Thursday, 30 June 2011

Is it permissible to refuse a good Muslim for personal reasons?

Is it permissible to refuse a good Muslim for personal reasons?
Is it considered a sin to refuse to marry a good muslim man for personal reasons, i.e. doesn't like him?

What are the bad consequences of such an action, on a personal level and in general, if there are any?


Praise be to Allaah.


No, this is not considered to be a sin, because Islamic says
that personal conviction has its role to play in marriage. (A woman may not
like a man because of something in his appearance, and she is not sinning if
she refuses his offer of marriage), but if you fear that you may miss the
boat or that you may not receive a similar offer, then put your feelings
aside, use your common sense and hasten to get married. 

From the answer of Shaykh Ibraaheem al-Khudayri. 

If a woman follows her whims and desires by rejecting a man
who is religiously-committed and has a good attitude, she may be punished by
remaining a spinster (i.e., unmarried). 

May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.

Intercourse and masturbation with one's fiancee

Intercourse and masturbation with one's fiancee
I have a young friend who had excepted the Islamic faith some time ago. Prior to excepting his new Faith he was sexually active with his girlfriend. After excepting his new Faith he would masterbate to relieve him of his sexual tensions. I advised him that masturbating was forbidden as well. Now he is engaged to be married in a couple of years and him and his Fiance have sex and masterbate for each other. The reason for the delay in the marriage is that they are financially unstable at this point. He wants to know if masterbation and intercourse is permisble under these circumstances and if they are not what can he do to remedy this?


Praise be to Allaah.


We praise Allaah for having blessed your friend and guided
him to Islam, as we ask Allaah to make him steadfast in adhering to it until
death. He has succeeded in attaining the greatest achievement in life, which
is coming forth from the darkness of kufr and shirk to the light of Islam
and guidance, and the worship of Allaah alone with no partner or associate.
Whatever blameworthy former customs are left, it will be easy for him to
give them up in sha Allaah, if he seeks the help of Allaah, because whoever
gives up the religion that he grew up in and enters the true religion, it
will become easy for him to give up the habits that he was accustomed to
during his jaahiliyyah. The secret habit (i.e. masturbation) is a disease
which harms the one who does it. See question no. 329,

So he has to give up this bad habit and follow the advice of
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), who said, “
Young men, whoever among you can afford to get married, let him do so, for
it is more effective in lowering one’s gaze and guarding one’s chastity.
Whoever cannot afford that, then let him fast, for it will be a shield for
him.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5065; Muslim, 1400). 

With regard to his question about having sex with his fiancée
– if what he means by fiancée is the woman with whom he has made a marriage
contract according to sharee’ah, then whatever sexual activities he does
with her are correct, good and halaal. But if he is referring to a woman to
whom he has proposed marriage but has not yet made a marriage contract, then
what they are doing is haraam and is a kind of zina (fornication or
adultery) and evil action, and both of them have exposed themselves to the
wrath and punishment of Allaah. 

The fact that he is financially unable to get married does
not justify doing the things that he has done with his fiancée, if he had
not made a proper marriage contract with her. It should be noted that the
fiancée is considered to be a stranger (non-mahram) to the fiancé, like any
other non-mahram woman, so it is not permissible for him to be alone with
her, or for her to masturbate him with her hand, or for him to kiss her, or
for him to speak to her unless that is for a specific purpose and from
behind a screen and without any feelings of desire. See question no.

The solution in this case is for him to do the marriage
contract with her, because if he does the marriage contract with a woman it
is then permissible for him to do everything with her, as she has now become
his wife, even if the wedding party has not yet taken place. See question
no. 13886. 

It is also permissible for a husband to be masturbated by his
wife’s hand. See question no. 826. 

If he is not able to get married, then he has to be patient,
as stated above. And Allaah is the Source of strength.

How should he tell her that he wants to marry her?

How should he tell her that he wants to marry her?
I was recently informed of this site, ma'shallah. What is the correct way to approach a sister whom you intend to marry ? I've known this sister my entire life, in the same regard as my own blood sister and recently it was brought to my attention that she would be a perfect candidate for marriage. I believe she respects me, but I am unsure if she can accept me as her spouse. How can I know ? And what is the correct, halal way to approach ? I have nothing but the best intentions, yet my entire life I always felt I would marry her, yet out of respect I have never approached. My father and aunt (my mother has passed, allah yarham ha) are very fond of her and encourage me to pursue her, since they know her and her family extremly well.


Praise be to Allaah.


If a man feels that his heart is inclined towards a
particular woman, he should follow the way that is permitted in Islam, which
is marriage. If a person intends to marry a woman, he has to propose
marriage to her through her wali (guardian), who is her father if he is
alive, or one of her other close relatives.  It is not permissible for a man
to propose marriage to a woman who is not his mahram through ways that are
not permissible according to sharee’ah, such as getting to know her or
meeting her frequently or getting in touch with her often and speaking on
the phone; these are means through which Iblees causes people to sin and
which lead to regrettable consequences. It is not permissible for a person
to justify his relationship with a girl by saying that she is like his
sister and other silly excuses. You have to follow the proper channels as
prescribed in Islam to marry this woman. When you propose marriage, it is
o.k. if you try to win her over by giving her a gift through her wali. We
ask Allaah to give us and you strength and to keep us away from haraam
things. And Allaah is the Source of strength. 

See also question no.2572.


He wants to talk to a woman before he proposes marriage to her

He wants to talk to a woman before he proposes marriage to her
I have never spoken to her, and generally do not speak to women. We sometimes exchange salams.

How do I propose to her and approach her for marriage, since I am a practising muslim, and do not talk to sisters what is the best way?

Should I go and speak to her and get to know her first, without stepping beyond the boundaries of Allah? or shall I propose straight away?

I am afraid that because she does not really know me, and that we are from different cultural backgrounds I will be rejected instantly if I propose straight away without getting to know her first.

Whilst on the other hand I fear that I am doing something Un-islamic If I talk to her and get to know her.

I am in a difficult situation what is the best thing to do?


Praise be to Allaah.


Note that it is permissible for a man to speak to a non-mahram
woman, subject to important guidelines and conditions, the purpose of which
is to prevent fitnah and sin. These conditions include : 

That it is not possible to
speak to her through one of her mahrams or through a woman who is his mahram.

That should be done without
being alone with her (khulwah).

That should not go beyond
permissible topics.

There should be no fitnah
(temptation). If his desire is stirred by talking to her or if he starts to
enjoy it, then it is haraam.

The woman should not speak in a
soft manner,

The woman should be wearing
full hijaab and be modest, or he should speak to her from behind a door. It
is better if they speak on the phone, and even better if they communicate
via letters or e-mail, for example.

That should not go beyond what
is necessary. 

If these conditions are met and there is no fear of fitnah,
then it is o.k. And Allaah knows best. 

Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan said, in his answer on the ruling
about young men speaking to young women on the telephone: “It is not
permissible for young men to speak to young women because of the fitnah
involved, unless the girl is engaged to the man who is talking to her, and
they talk only about matters pertaining to their engagement; but it is
preferable and safer for him to speak to her guardian about that.” (al-Muntaqa
min Fataawa al-Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan, 3/163, 164). 

You have not proposed to this girl yet, so you have to be
very careful and avoid exposing yourself to the causes of fitnah by taking
all possible precautions to achieve your goal without approaching this

The basis for this is two aayahs from the Book of Allaah: 

1 – “O wives of the Prophet! You are not like any other
women. If you keep your duty (to Allaah), then be not soft in speech, lest
he in whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery)
should be moved with desire, but speak in an honourable manner”

[al-Ahzaab 33:32 – interpretation of the meaning] 

2 – “And when you ask (his wives) for anything you want,
ask them from behind a screen, that is purer for your hearts and for their
hearts” [al-Ahzaab 33:53 – interpretation of the meaning] 

Finally I would like to
remind you that the Muslim’s standards when choosing a wife should be the
standards encouraged by the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) when he said: “Choose the one who is
religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust [i.e., may you
prosper].” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5090; Muslim, 1466). 

And I warn you against everything that may lead you into
doing haraam things or bring you close to that, such as being alone with
her, going out with her, etc. I ask Allaah to make it easy for you to find a
woman who will help you to obey Him.

He is attracted to a woman who is engaged to someone else

He is attracted to a woman who is engaged to someone else
A friend of mine proposed marriage to a woman and they have seen one another within the limits prescribed in Islam, but they have not yet gotten married. I was intending to propose to her; I had asked about her, and I liked her and had become very attracted to her, but he beat me to it. I cannot forget this woman. I know that it is not permissible to propose to her when a Muslim brother has already proposed, as it says in the hadeeth. Will it solve the problem if I ask his permission to propose marriage to this woman, and explain my situation to him and get his permission?


Praise be to

that will solve the problem because it says in the saheeh hadeeth that
the Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “None
of you should propose to a woman when his brother has already proposed,
until the first one gives up the idea of marrying her or gives him permission,
then he may propose to her.”

asked Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) about this
matter and this evidence, and his reply was in accordance with the apparent
meaning of the hadeeth.

(On this basis, if two men have proposed
to her then she should decide which of them she wants to marry)

She didn’t feel any interest in a person who wants to marry her; should she pursue the matter?

She didn’t feel any interest in a person who wants to marry her; should she pursue the matter?
I would really appreciate a reply when time permits inshallah. I sat with a brother that is interested in marrying me. I felt disappointed and bad. Also, I had no feelings or enthusiasm to accept the brother. 
Mashallah he has excellent Deen and character. Everyone that knows him speaks highly of him. I guess my question is, how do you know you want to marry that person? Please answer this question inshallah. It is a tough one to find an answer to.
Are you just sure? Is there a certain feeling? What if you just don't feel anything for the person at all? (I am not speaking of desire.) Should you marry that person even if you don't feel enthusiastic about marrying them? Also, I only sat with the brother once. Could my lack of enthusiasm be do to this fact?


Praise be to Allaah. 

The Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one
with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then
marry (your female relative) to him.” And he said, “Seek the one who
is religious.” What is addressed to men includes women too. 

When you find a young man whose religious commitment,
character and attitude you are pleased with, then you have to accept
him as a husband. What will help a girl to do that is to ask about this
man from those who know him well, because during short visits, and especially
when one is seeking to get married, people are usually on their best
behaviour and one sees little of a person’s true nature and character. 

Shaykh Muhammad al-Duwaysh. 

A girl may also feel somewhat afraid when thinking of
marriage to a person because it is such a life-changing matter. But
this fear should not stop you from agreeing if he is religious and of
good character. 

We would also draw your attention to the issue of your
sitting with this person, which you mentioned at the beginning of your
question. If the betrothed couple  sit
together in the presence of someone who will ensure that there is no
khulwah [being alone together], and the woman wears hijaab as she wears
for prayer (i.e., covering everything except the hands and face), for a length of time which is sufficient for both parties to make a decision, this is correct and is what is prescribed in Islam; if it is anything other than that, then beware…


He has contacted her several times saying that he wants to propose marriage, but she does not know anything about him

He has contacted her several times saying that he wants to propose marriage, but she does not know anything about him
I am a Muslimah, age XXX, from XXX. I accepted Islam 8 years ago when I was 16, Alhamdu lillah. For all of those years, I wanted so much to be a Muslim wife and mother, but since I live in a very small Muslim community (XXX), this did not happen.

A month ago I sent out my resume to find work in an Islamic school in a large Islamic community. The imam of an Islamic center in Florida left several messages on my answering machine. Days later, a brother called from the same masjid and said that he had lived in America for 10 years (he is originally from Saudi Arabia) and was looking for a wife. He is over thirty. He said that he wanted to marry me after he read my resume. (The imam gave him my resume since he knew he was looking for a wife.I was a college student of Islamic Studies.

I live with my mother who is a Muslim, but I have no male Muslim relatives. I do not know any Muslims in Florida either. This brother has continued to call me and talk to me while my mother is nearby and he also spoke with my mother and told her that he wanted her permission to marry me.

I want very much to get married In Sha' Allah, but I am very worried. I feel very vulnerable because I do not have a Muslim male relative who can check this brother out. Sadly I have heard of brothers who come to America and date women for years, or are involved in other bad activities. I am worried about this.

He has talked a lot about his love for Islam and da'wah. He says he is so happy that I have a Muslim mother and he wants me to support me if we get married and possibly move to Saudi Arabia. But I was worried also because he said that he has had a beard most of the time, but has on occasion shaved it off. This concerns me because I know keeping the beard is important and is Sunnah.

The most important quality for me in a husband is both his belief and practice of Islam. Books I have read on Islamic marriage say that you will never find a perfect spouse, but to look for their religiousness. How do I know if this brother is good or not? How do I know if he is really committed to islam? What should I look for? Please help, In Sha' Allah.

  I just submitted a question and wanted to add something extra: the brother who wants to marry me has been calling me every day, sometimes twice a day. Also, he has never seen me either in person or in photograph, but still seems certain he wants to marry me.


Praise be to Allaah.


The way in which this man has been behaving with you is to be
considered wrong, especially his talking to you every day. You should avoid
that and your mother should ask him to stop it. If he is sincere in his
desire to marry you then he should behave in the manner prescribed in
sharee’ah, by approaching your wali (guardian) to propose marriage to you.
If you do not have a Muslim wali, then your wali is the Muslim ruler in the
land where you live. If there is no Muslim ruler, then the wali is a person
to whom other Muslims refer, or one who is influential among them, in the
place where you live, such as the director of the Islamic center or the
imaam or khateeb. He should check him out and find out how fit he is to be a
good husband or otherwise. 

With regard to the things that you should look for in a
husband, you will find the answer to that under question no.
5202. You can also refer to question no.
389 and no. 2127
to find out the conditions of a wali for a Muslim woman. 

We ask Allaah to make it easy for you to find a righteous man
who will help you to obey your Lord… Ameen.

IShe has received a marriage proposal from a person who has some shortcomings which she is trying to deal with and discuss

She has received a marriage proposal from a person who has some shortcomings which she is trying to deal with and discuss
I am in need of some scholarly advice about a personal situation that I am facing presently. I have recently received a marriage proposal and have prayed Salat-ul-istikhara, however I never seem to receive any clear signs or indications about what to do. This has happened to me in many situations and the same is happening now too. I am a practising Muslim but obviously have flaws as all of us do have. I have a thirst for knowledge of the deen and am currently working on myself as a Muslims and acquiring sacred knowledge at the same time. What I look and hope for in a partner is a role model who is beyond me and someone who can help me in becoming a better person. Someone who loves and lives for Allah swt and who I can turn to for knowledge and who will be a good companion for me. The current proposal has many good qualities, except a few things that are concerning me. Firstly we are on a slightly different level of speaking, ie. Although he is a graduate he is not extremely intellectually spoken (I suppose this is something I should overlook). Secondly he has been practising for less time than me and therefore I feel he has less knowledge than me, which I find an of put as I feel he should be my guide not vice versa. However he does have a thirst for knowledge and does study the deen and also wishes to take out a year or so to go abroad and study the deen (which is what I also want to do). Apart from these two issues I feel we are compatible in many other ways. We have the same vision in life. Whilst paying Salat-ul-Istikhara I am getting no clear sign, except at times I get a tight feeling in my heart at times, which puts me off, but then I also think I should go for this as he has many good qualities. Im not sure as to what to do and am really confused, I dont know what this feeling in my heart means. I have met him once and there will be another meeting this Friday, but I dont want to lag it on any longer than necessary as it is playing with peoples emotions. Please get back to me with a reply soon as I really need some advice, especially regarding my Istikhaara as it is confusing me.


Praise be to Allaah.


The basic principle is that if a woman receives a marriage
proposal from a man whose religious commitment, attitude and trustworthiness
are satisfactory, then she should accept, so long as there is not another
offer from one whose attitude and religious commitment are better. So if the
one who has proposed marriage to you meets these criteria, and he is keen to
learn more about Islam as you say, then this is a good sign. But if the
shortcomings to which you refer in your question are major sins or sins in
which he is persisting or committing openly, then we advise you to wait for
someone better, so long as there is no risk of you doing something haraam or
exposing yourself to greater fitnah (temptation).


It is not necessary in the case of istikhaarah to feel
something specific afterwards. Rather if you consult people and think deeply
about the matter, and it becomes clear to you that this matter will be
beneficial both in religious and worldly terms, then you should pray
istikhaarah and go ahead, and not wait for a sign or a dream or a feeling.
You should rather put your trust in Allaah and go ahead after praying
istikhaarah. You will find a detailed answer concerning istikhaarah and its
rulings in Question no. 5882. 


Beware of being alone or of uncovering in front of this man
who is still a non-mahram to you. In the answer to question no.
12182 you will find a detailed answer to your
question regarding marriage proposals and sitting with and meeting the one
who has proposed marriage to you. Please refer to this question. 


Your wish concerning what you hope to find in a husband,
meaning that he lives for the sake of Allaah, is a great wish, and we hope
that Allaah will grant you that. But you should know that a righteous woman
is one of the greatest means that will help a man in this regard, by helping
him and advising him, and encouraging him to do more, and patiently putting
up with anything that affects her rights because of his being involved in
doing righteous deeds. 

We ask Allaah to help you to do that which is good. Ameen.

His wife is not very interested in intercourse so he resorts to masturbation

His wife is not very interested in intercourse so he resorts to masturbation
I am a man of a strong desire. I like to have intercourse everyday. When I try to start it with my wife, she refuses for weak reasons like saying she is tired or lazy to make ghusl or because she wants to delay it to next day. So I have intercourse with her only twice a week. I cannot be patient. So I have to masturbate by my hand fearing to fall into adultery. Although I know it is haram, I masturbate about three times a week while my wife is beside me and she knows what I am doing. My wife cares a lot about beautifying herself and using perfumes, but she becomes annoyed if I ask her for sex. Am I sinful to masturbate by my hand? If yes, then does my wife share in this sin?.


Praise be to Allaah.


The husband has to treat his wife kindly, because Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): 

“and live with them honourably”

[al-Nisa’ 4:19] 

Part of living with one’s spouse honourably is having
intercourse, which is obligatory upon the husband, as much as is sufficient
to satisfy her, so long as it does not harm him physically or distract him
from earning a living. 

The wife is obliged to obey her husband if he calls her to
his bed, and if she refuses then she is sinning, because of the report
narrated by al-Bukhaari (32370 and Muslim (1436) from Abu Hurayrah (may
Allaah be pleased with him), that the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: “If a man calls his wife to his bed and she does
not come to him, and he goes to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse
her until morning.” 

Shaykh al-Islam [Ibn Taymiyah] (may Allaah have mercy on him)
said: She has to obey him if he calls her to his bed, and this is a duty
that is obligatory upon her. … If she refuses to respond to his call, then
she is being disobedient and wilfully defiant. … as Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): 

“As to those women on whose part you see ill‑conduct,
admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat
them (lightly, if it is useful); but if they return to obedience, seek not
against them means (of annoyance”

[al-Nisa’ 4:34] 

End quote from al-Fataawa al-Kubra (3/145, 146). 

But it is not permissible for the husband to force his wife
to do that for which she is not able with regard to intercourse. If she has
an excuse because she is sick or she cannot bear it, then she is not sinning
if she refuses to have intercourse. 

Ibn Hazm (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Both slave
women and free women are enjoined not to refuse the master or husband if he
calls them for intercourse, so long as the woman who is called is not
menstruating or sick and likely to be harmed by intercourse, or observing an
obligatory fast. If she refuses with no excuse then she is cursed. End quote
from al-Muhalla (10/40). 

Al-Bahooti (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:  

The husband has the right to enjoy his wife at any time, so
long as that does not keep her from performing obligatory duties or harm
her; he does not have the right to enjoy her in that case, because that is
not part of living with them honourably. But if it does not distract her
from that or cause her harm, then he has the right to enjoyment. End quote
from Kashshaaf al-Qinaa’ (5/189). 

The wife whose husband is harming her by having intercourse
too often may come to some agreement with her husband concerning a specific
number that she can put up with, and if he does more to such an extent that
it is harmful to her, then she has the right to refer the matter to the
qaadi (judge), who may determine a specific number and oblige both husband
and wife to adhere to that. 


Masturbation is haraam, because of evidence that we have
quoted in the answer to question no.

There is no sin if the husband is masturbated by his wife’s
hand, because it is permissible for him to enjoy her; the same applies if he
ejaculates outside the vagina, because of the general meaning of the verse
in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts,
from illegal sexual acts)

6. Except from their wives or (the slaves) that their
right hands possess, __ for then, they are free from blame”

[al-Mu’minoon 23:5,6].  

This has been discussed in the answer to question no.

If the wife will be harmed by intercourse, she will not be
harmed if her husband enjoys her in other ways, so she has to allow him to
do that. 

Both spouses have to tackle this problem in a kind, loving
and frank manner; and each of them should understand the rights and duties
that they have, because most marital problems stem from ignorance of that. 

Some husbands are keen to satisfy their own desires, and they
hasten to do that without caring about their wives or paying attention to
their right to pleasure, so the wife finds no enjoyment in it and is put off
by it, and it becomes a problem and a burden for her. 

Hence we say: Strive to create love and affection between you
and your wife; pay attention to her situation and understand her feelings;
avoid that which will harm her or hurt her. Tell her of the shar’i ruling
concerning this issue and help her to follow it, and do not put her off, and
be moderate in your approach, and you will get what you want.  

May Allaah help us and you to obey Him and seek His

And Allaah knows best.

Her husband drinks alcohol – is she sinning by living with him?

Her husband drinks alcohol – is she sinning by living with him?
What should a muslim wife do if her husband drinks alcohol.  She has tried to make him stop, but he refuses.  The only thing he has managed to do is lessen the frequency of his drinking.  She is very observant in practicing the religion and fears that she may suffer punishment for her husband's behavior.  At the same time, she does love her husband and wants to preserve the relationship.  What should she do in this case?  


Praise be to Allaah. 

we advise this husband to repent to Allaah from drinking alcohol, because
drinking alcohol is haraam according to the Book of Allaah, the Sunnah
of His Messenger (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) and the consensus of the Muslims. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):

you who believe! Intoxicants (all kinds of alcoholic drinks), and gambling,
and Al Ansaab [stone altars for offering sacrifices to idols etc.],
and Al Azlaam (arrows for seeking luck or decision) are an abomination
of Shaytaan’s (Satan’s) handiwork. So avoid (strictly all) that (abomination)
in order that you may be successful.

(Satan) wants only to excite enmity and hatred between you with intoxicants
(alcoholic drinks) and gambling, and hinder you from the remembrance
of Allaah and from As‑Salaah (the prayer). So, will you not then

obey Allaah and the Messenger (Muhammad), and beware (of even coming
near to drinking or gambling or Al‑Ansaab, or Al‑Azlaam)
and fear Allaah. Then if you turn away, you should know that it is Our
Messenger’s duty to convey (the Message) in the clearest way” [al-Maa'idah

was narrated that the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Every intoxicant is liquor
and every liquor is haraam.” (Narrated by Muslim, al-Ashribah

The scholars
are unanimously agreed, with no dispute on this matter. Some of the
scholars even considered the prohibition of alcohol to be one of the
most well known teachings of Islam (ignorance of which is inexcusable).
So our advice to him is that he should give up drinking alcohol, and
be content with [?] that which Allaah has permitted to him of good drinks,
and not seek that which Allaah has forbidden. Alcohol is the mother
of evil and the key to all evil. Allaah has issued a stern warning to
those who drink it and do not repent from that. It was narrated from
Jaabir that the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:  “Allaah has
made a covenant to those who drink alcohol, that He will make them drink
teenat al-khabaal.” They said, “O Messenger of Allaah, what is
teenat al-khabaal?” He said, “The sweat of the people of Hell,”
or, “The juice of the people of Hell.” (Narrated by Muslim, al-Ashribah,

It is easy to give it up if one is sincere
and determined, and seeks the help of Allaah, may He be exalted. 

With regard to yourself, there is no sin
on you if your husband drinks alcohol, because a person will not be
brought to account for the sins of another. Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning):

no bearer of burdens shall bear another’s burden”[Faatir 35:18] 

you will be rewarded for your sincere advice to your husband. Your living
with him is not haraam, because drinking alcohol does not make him a
kaafir. So keep on calling him, advising him and making du’aa’ for him,
and may Allaah cause him to repent. If your keeping away from him in
bed will serve the purpose of deterring him and making give up alcohol,
then it is permissible, but if it will not achieve anything, then do
not do it. We ask Allaah to guide us all and give us strength. For
more information see the fatwa of Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, 2/890

Affection and compassion between spouses

Affection and compassion between spouses
What is the rule on a health problem(for example:migraine, nerve blockings, and others), and the need to rest(prescribed by the doctor)), but not being allowed to rest by my husband as he refuses to do anything to relieve me(we have children), he even doesnt acknowledge my health problem as I am young and he is convinced it is impossible for me to have so many health problems. What can i do?.


Praise be to Allaah.

One of the greatest aims of marriage according to the laws of
Allaah is so that affection and compassion may prevail between the spouses.
This is the foundation on which married life should be built. Allaah, may He
be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you
wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has
put between you affection and mercy”

[al-Room 30:21] 

al-Haafiz Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
Affection means love, and compassion means kindness. A man keeps a woman
either because he loves her or her because he feels compassion towards her
because he has children from her. 

Our advice to you is not to ignore the affection and
compassion between spouses that Allaah has mentioned in this verse. Think
about the Mothers of the Believers, and the womenfolk of the Sahaabah (may
Allaah be pleased with them all), especially the role of Khadeejah (may
Allaah be pleased with her) with the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him). Try to make your family happy and you will see the
effect of that in sha Allaah. 

One of the greatest means of attaining happiness and
cheerfulness is what was narrated from one of the righteous: Kindness is
something easy: a cheerful face and a gentle word. So try to adopt this
kindness towards your husband – until it becomes ingrained in you – and you
will win his heart and make him be affectionate and compassionate towards

But before all that, and above all that, our Lord says
(interpretation of the meaning): 

“The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel
(the evil) with one which is better (i.e. Allaah orders the faithful
believers to be patient at the time of anger, and to excuse those who treat
them badly) then verily he, between whom and you there was enmity, (will
become) as though he was a close friend.

35. But none is granted it (the above quality) except
those who are patient — and none is granted it except the owner of the great
portion (of happiness in the Hereafter, i.e., Paradise and of a high moral
character) in this world”

[Fussilat 41:34-35] 

Shaykh Ibn Sa’di (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: i.e.,
Good deeds and acts of obedience that are done for the sake of Allaah cannot
be equal to bad deeds and sins that earn His wrath and do not please Him.
Kindness towards others cannot be equal to mistreatment of them. “Is
there any reward for good other than good?”[al-Rahmaan 55:60]. 

Then He enjoins a specific type of kindness which has a great
impact, which is kindness towards the one who treats you badly. He says: “Repel
(the evil) with one which is better” i.e., if someone mistreats you,
especially if he has great rights over you, such as relatives and friends
and the like, and he mistreats you in word or in deed, then respond by
treating him kindly. If he cuts off ties with you then uphold ties with him;
if he wrongs you, forgive him; if he speaks against you, in your absence or
in your presence, do not respond in kind, rather forgive him, and deal with
him by speaking kindly; if he shuns you and does not speak to you, then
speak nicely to him, and greet him with salaam. If you respond to
mistreatment with kind treatment, that will do a great deal of good. 

“then verily he, between whom and you there was enmity,
(will become) as though he was a close friend” i.e., as if he is close
to you and a good  friend. 

“But none is granted it” i.e., this praiseworthy
quality is not given to anyone “except those who are patient” and put
up with what they dislike, and force themselves to do what Allaah loves, for
souls are created with a natural inclination to respond to bad treatment in
kind and not to forgive it, so how can they respond in a good manner? 

If a person is patient and obeys the command of his Lord, and
understands the great reward, and knows that responding in kind to the one
who mistreats him will not achieve anything and will only make the enmity
worse, and that treating him kindly will not cause him any humiliation,
rather it will raise him in status, because the one who shows humility for
the sake of Allaah, Allaah will raise him in status thereby, then the matter
will become easy for him and he will do that with joy and pleasure.  

“and none is granted it except the owner of the great
portion” because this is a characteristic of the elite people, by means
of which a person attains a high status in this world and in the Hereafter,
which is one of the greatest and noblest of characteristics. End quote. 

Tafseer al-Sa’di (549-550) 

If all of this applies to the rights of people in general,
then what about the rights of your wife? The Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If I were to order anyone to
prostrate to anyone else, I would have ordered women to prostrate to their
husbands, because of the rights that Allaah has given them over them.”
Narrated by Abu Dawood (2140) and al-Tirmidhi (1192); classed as saheeh by
al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (1203). 

We have started by speaking to you, because you are the one
who asked the question, and we think that you are more likely to listen and
respond to our advice. If that means giving up some of your rights and
forgiving the one who has wronged you, then there is nothing wrong with
that. Who can say that giving up some of one's rights or forgiving some
mistreatment is shameful or a shortcoming? Rather it is perfection.  

Muslim narrated in his Saheeh (2588) from Abu Hurayrah
that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: “Charity does not decrease wealth. No one forgives, but Allaah
increases him in honour, and no one humbles himself before Allaah but Allaah
raises him in status.” 

As for speaking to your husband or rebuking him, it is words
of sincere advice and a rebuke from those who love good for him and fear for
the bad consequences that he may face as a result of his actions; they want
to warn him against obeying Iblees and making him happy, and disobeying and
incurring the wrath of the Most Merciful, may He be exalted. 

As for his obeying Ibleese, Muslim narrated in his Saheeh
(2813) that Jaabir (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: Iblees places
his throne over the water, then he sends out his troops, and the one who is
closest in status to him is the one who causes the greatest amount of fitnah
(tribulation or temptation). One of them comes and says, I have done such
and such, and he says: You have not done anything. Then one of them comes
and says: I did not leave him until I separated him and his wife. Then he
draws him close to him and says: How good you are.” Al-A’mash said: I think
he said: “and he embraces him.”  

As for his incurring the wrath of the Most Merciful and
disobeying Him, let him listen to what the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said: “Fear Allaah with regard to women, for you have
taken them as a trust from Allaah, and intimacy with them has become
permissible to you by the word of Allaah.” Narrated by Muslim (1218). 

Is this how you take a trust from Allaah, O slave of

Is this how you deal with the word of Allaah, O slave of

Is this how you respond to the advice of the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), who said: “I urge you to treat
women well” (narrated by al-Bukhaari (3331) and Muslim (1468))? 

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of
you to my wives.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (3895) and Ibn Majaah (1977);
classed as aheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. 

Or is this what living with them honourably means? Allaah
says (interpretation of the meaning): “and live with them honourably”
[al-Nisa’ 4:19]. 

Is this what taking care of them means? The Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Each of you is a shepherd
and each of you is responsible for his flock. The ruler of the people is a
shepherd and is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of his
household and is responsible for his flock. A woman is the shepherd of her
husband’s house and children and is responsible for her flock. The slave is
the shepherd of his master’s wealth and is responsible for it. Each of you
is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock.” Narrated by
al-Bukhaari (893) and Muslim (1829). 

Have you not heard what the great Sahaabi, ‘Aa’idh ibn ‘Amr
(may Allaah be pleased with him) said when he entered upon ‘Ubayd-Allaah ibn
Ziyaad, the oppressive governor? The Sahaabi said to him: O my son, I heard
the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
say: “The worst of guardians are those who are cruel. Beware lest you be one
of them.” Narrated by Muslim (1830). 

Are you not afraid that you may be one of them? 

Have you never heard that everyone gets headaches sometimes.

We have never heard of anything stranger or weirder than

Or perhaps you need some proof? Listen to this, O slave of

It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah said: The Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came back from al-Baqee’
and I had a headache and was saying, Oh my head. He said, “Rather, I should
say, Oh my head, O ‘Aa’ishah.” Narrated by Ibn Majaah (1465); classed as
saheeh by al-Albaani in Takhreej al-Mishkaat (5970). 

You should remember that when the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) died, ‘Aa’ishah was eighteen years old,
which means that when she complained of this headache she was younger than
eighteen, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
believed her and treated her with compassion. ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be
pleased with her) was asked: What did the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) do in his house? She said: He used to serve his
family, then when the time for prayer came, he would go out to pray.
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (676). 

This is evidence if you need it, but we do not think that you
need evidence. Rather you need to act. The way is ahead of you but you are
not moving. 

We have spoken to you at length, but if a person does not
benefit from a little then he will not benefit from a lot.  

You should think that you may be afflicted one day and you
will need this weak woman to support you and look after your affairs. Would
you like her to treat you as you are treating her?  

Or would you like her to be better than you, and to believe
you, although you did not believe her, and to support you, although you let
her down, and to treat you kindly although you are treating her harshly, and
to be forbearing towards you although you are treating her ignorantly. 

By Allaah, even the sweeter of the two is bitter. 

Choose for yourself the path of kindness.
“Is there any reward for good other than good?”[al-Rahmaan

She left her husband’s home, and her lover asked her to marry him when she was still married!

She left her husband’s home, and her lover asked her to marry him when she was still married!
I am a 26 years old woman. I was divorced about one week ago, after I left my husband’s home a year before; I took my son who is two years old and stayed with my family. In the beginning of our love marriage I lived with him in his mother’s home. His mother started to interfere in everything in our life. He asked me to work and support him to pay off the loan he borrowed for our marriage. I found a job and helped him; my only condition was to live in an independent place alone far from his mother’s continuous interference. He promised me to do this. His mother was in control of everything at home; my husband was unable to object to anything otherwise she would ask him to leave. She works as well. 

I lived with my husband and tried him for two years I found him to be another person different from who I loved; he was just masked before marriage. He started taking all my salary and gives me just daily expenses. Whenever he was in need he used to ask me to sell my gold for him, which I have done, so has he. He used to ask me to borrow from my family, which I did, in return he never gave me anything. I was deprived of everything. He used to say one sentence a lot to me: “you know our circumstances so be tolerant”. He used to hide his wallet in the car and say that I do not have the right to what he has or what he does not have. Problems started to get bigger and bigger, and I kept asking him to find a separate place for us to live. 

He has a divorced sister, she works and sleeps in her work place which is a hotel located outside the city, when she used to come to visit us she used to stay up at night outside the home and returns every night after midnight. I did not like the whole situation and I had to tell my respectful husband: “what will the neighbors say about this home we live in, this is shameful” his answer was usually: “I will speak to them” I do not like this, after all he said to me: “these are our traditions, and I cannot leave my mother and sister and live far from them alone” as they are not Arabs.  

I was hesitant to tell my family about my situation because they all objected to this marriage and refused it but I insisted on marrying him because I thought he is moral and kind. How blind was I! I told my family that I heard him speaking to his mother complaining about me and she told him to beat me and to take my son from me. Then I left him and went to my family. Two weeks later he came to my family’s home to ask why I left home. I did not tell him that I heard anything. And just asked him to buy us a separate place to live alone. He agreed. We went to see the home we were going to buy, then he changed his mind, this situation remained for two years during which he accused me of having a relationship with someone else, and that this other person is spoiling my mind, this happened because my husband saw me with a man who is a friend of my father taking me from my work place. I found him there by chance and my husband was standing in the street at my work area, I asked this man to take me home because I feared my husband might hurt me. After this he started to defame me and give me two options, whether to stay with him in his mother’s home or to sacrifice all my rights then he divorces me. I of course refused and insisted on divorce, I did not want a separate home anymore.  

My husband brought two ‘disobedience cases’ against me, and then I asked for divorce through the court. The last five months I, by chance, spoke with the same man who took me by car from work, he is 14 years older than me. I told him about my story and what happened with me, he stood for me and taught me about life and people, and that there are matters one should not stand silent for them. He told me that accepting to marry my husband was a mistake from the beginning and that I was mistaken when I refused to listen to my family’s advice.  

I became attracted to him, although I know that it is wrong. I feel guilty because I love him and he loves me, this was not planned. We met many times, sat and talked a lot and he asked me to marry him before I got divorced. I wish I can accept but I am afraid of the consequences. I fear Allah, I fear I made a mistake when I loved another man while I am still married, although I left my husband 15 months ago, I got divorced about two weeks ago. 

Please guide me. Am I mistaken? Is what I did haram? I live in a conflict with myself, I am very confused. I do not want to disobey Allah or commit sins.


Praise be to Allaah.


You have done a number of
things that are clearly and obviously contrary to sharee’ah, hence we are
surprised at the end of your letter where you say “I do not want to anger
Allaah or commit sins”! Whatever the case, this is the bad consequences and
effect of sin, which is loss of reason and dimming of its light that would
lead to the straight path. 

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah
have mercy on him) said, describing the effects of sin: 

… Sin corrupts reason, for
reason is light, and sin inevitably extinguishes the light of reason. If its
light is extinguished it becomes weak and imperfect. One of the salaf said:
No one disobeys Allaah but his reason is lost. This is obvious, because if
his reason was present, it would have prevented him from committing sin when
he is under the full control of Allaah, may He be exalted, or how could he
commit sin openly when He is watching him, and he is enjoying His blessings
and His angels are bearing witness over him and watching him, and the
teachings of the Qur’aan forbid that and the implication of faith and the
remembrance of death and the Fire should restrain him. The good of this
world and the Hereafter that he misses out on because of sin is many times
greater than the pleasure he may get from it. Can anyone who takes lightly
all that we have mentioned above still have sound reason?  

… If sins accumulate, then
a seal is placed on the sinner’s heart and he becomes one of the heedless,
as one of the salaf said concerning the words of Allaah (interpretation of
the meaning): “Nay! But on their hearts is the Raan (covering of sins and
evil deeds) which they used to earn” [al-Mutaffifeen 83:14] – he said:
This is sin after sin. Al-Hasan said: It is sin upon sin, until the heart
becomes blind. And someone else said: When their sins and acts of
disobedience become many, they encircle their hearts. 

The basic principle
concerning that is that the heart is corroded (lit. rusts) by sin, so if sin
increases, the corrosion prevails until it becomes raan, then it prevails
until it becomes a seal, and the heart becomes covered and enveloped. If
that happens after he has been guided and had insight, then he will be
reversed and turned upside down. At that point his enemy takes over and
leads him wherever he wants. 

Al-Jawaab al-Kaafi li
man sa’ala ‘an al-Dawa al-Shaafi (p. 39). 

We are sorry to tell you
that each of the sins that you have committed led to another; they affected
your reason and your heart, and extinguished their light. 


The things that you did
which go against sharee’ah are: 


The haraam relationship
which you formed with your first husband, before you married him. This is
clear from your saying that it was a love marriage, and from your going
against your family who refused to give you in marriage to him, and now you
are doing the same thing with another man when you are still married to the
first husband! 

We have explained the
ruling on correspondence between the sexes in the answer to question no.
26890 and

With regard to haraam
relationships, please see the answer to questions no.
21933 and


It seems that your job
involves mixing with strange men. If what we think is correct, then it is a
sin. If it is not mixed, or it is not in a haraam field such as banking or
insurance – then there is no sin on you. 

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah
have mercy on him) said: 

There is no doubt that
enabling women to mix with men is the basis of all calamities and evils, and
it is one of the greatest causes of calamity that affects everybody, as well
as being one of the causes of corruption in public and private affairs.
Mixing of men with women is the cause of a great deal of immoral actions and
zina, and it is one of the causes of widespread death and ongoing plagues.  

Al-Turuq al-Hukmiyyah
(p. 407). 

See also the answer to
question no. 1200. 

For information on women
working and the conditions of it being permissible, please see the answer to
question no. 22397.  

In the answer to question
no. 6666 there is important advice
to do with women working in a mixed environment. 


You left the marital home
without your husband’s permission, and this was based on something that you
heard from his mother and his complaints to her. This does not make it
permissible for you to leave the marital home without your husband’s
permission. You have the right to a separate home with your husband, but it
seems that you waived this right when you first married him and agreed to
stay with him in his mother’s house. It would have been better for you to
work out the agreement with him when you agreed to help him to bear his
living expenses and pay off his debt, and to oblige him to do so via the
shar’i court or good and knowledgeable people whom you appointed as
arbitrators between you. As for your actions and your leaving without his
permission, this is not permissible. Allaah forbade women who are revocably
divorced (first or second talaaq) to leave their houses after the divorce,
so how about married women? Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“O Prophet (صلى
الله عليه وسلم)! When you divorce women, divorce them at their ‘Iddah
(prescribed periods) and count (accurately) their ‘Iddah (periods). And fear
Allaah your Lord (O Muslims). And turn them not out of their (husband’s)
homes nor shall they (themselves) leave, except in case they are guilty of
some open illegal sexual intercourse. And those are the set limits of
Allaah. And whosoever transgresses the set limits of Allaah, then indeed he
has wronged himself. You (the one who divorces his wife) know not it may be
that Allaah will afterward bring some new thing to pass (i.e. to return her
back to you if that was the first or second divorce)”

[al-Talaaq 65:1] 


The worst and most
reprehensible of these actions that go against sharee’ah is your sinful
relationship with that evildoer who pretended that he was saving you from
worldly problems and presented himself in the guise of a wise advisor, but
in fact he was a wolf in sheep’s clothing. 

How could this evildoer
agree to meet you and talk with you, and sit with you and discuss with you,
and worst of all, he audaciously asked you to marry him when you were still
married to another man?! What is very strange is that you yourself say that
your husband himself was presenting himself falsely as a good man, and that
you were blind when you accepted him as a husband. Do you think that now you
are able to see? By Allaah, you are not able to see, and your blindness with
regard to your first husband was less serious than your blindness now. You
were not married when you formed a relationship with him, but now you are
married and you have formed a haraam relationship with that evildoer, who is
not content only to come between you and your husband, turn your heart
against him and make you hate the idea of going back to him, rather he has
added to that his request for you to marry him when you are still married to
another man. 

What you have done is
haraam, beyond any shadow of a doubt. It is revolting and reprehensible even
to non-Muslims. No husband would want his wife to be in the situation you
are in. No wise person – let alone a Muslim who knows the rulings of
sharee’ah – would approve of your marrying this evildoer who has shown his
true colours and evil attitude before marriage. That will save you from
going though another bitter experience with him. Do you think that he will
forget how you betrayed your husband with him? Do you think that he will
trust you not to repeat what you did with him? Do not hesitate to cut off
all ties with him, for it is a haraam relationship on the one hand, and on
the other hand he is not fit to be a trusted husband when he has done such
haraam, abhorrent actions. 

For information on the
qualities of a righteous husband, please see the answers to questions no.
5202 and


We hope that your regret
and taking stock of yourself are a good sign that you have come back to the
truth and that your conscience which criticizes you for abhorrent actions
and for falling short in acts of obedience to Allaah has come back to life.

Beware of following the
footsteps of the shaytaan, for they lead to doom. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): 

“O you who believe!
Follow not the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan). And whosoever follows the
footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan), then, verily, he commands Al‑Fahsha’ [i.e. to
commit indecency (illegal sexual intercourse)], and Al‑Munkar [disbelief and
polytheism (i.e. to do evil and wicked deeds; and to speak or to do what is
forbidden in Islam)]. And had it not been for the Grace of Allaah and His
Mercy on you, not one of you would ever have been pure from sins”

[al-Noor 24:21]. 

Do not ignore the
opportunity to regret and repent before there comes a Day when neither
dirhams nor dinars, neither close friends nor intercessors will benefit a
man, and he will bite at his hands in anguish, as Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): 

“And (remember) the Day
when the Zaalim (wrongdoer, oppressor, polytheist) will bite at his hands,
he will say: ‘Oh! Would that I had taken a path with the Messenger (Muhammad
صلى الله عليه وسلم).

28. ‘Ah! Woe to me!
Would that I had never taken so‑and‑so as a Khalîl (an intimate friend)!

29. ‘He indeed led me
astray from the Reminder (this Qur’aan) after it had come to me. And
Shaytaan (Satan) is to man ever a deserter in the hour of need’”

[al-Furqaan 25:27-29]. 

In order to cleanse
yourself of sin and protect your religious commitment, faith and chastity,
strive to do the following: 


Pray regularly on time with
proper focus and humility before Allaah: 

It was narrated from Abu
Hurayrah that he heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) say: “What do you think, if there was a river by the
door of one of you and he bathed in it five times a day, would any speck of
dirt be left on him?” They said: Not a speck of dirt would be left on him.
He said: “That is the likeness of the five prayers, by means of which Allaah
erases sins.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari
(505) and Muslim (667). 


Keeping company with
righteous women who adhere to obedience to Allaah. 

It was narrated that Abu
Moosa al-Ash’ari (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The likeness
of a good companion and a bad companion is that of one who carries musk and
one who works the bellows. With the carrier of musk, either he will give you
some or you will buy some from him, or you will notice a good smell from
him; as for the one who works the bellows, either he will burn your clothes
or you will notice a bad smell from him.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari
(1995) and Muslim (2628). 

Imam al-Nawawi (may Allaah
have mercy on him) said: It points to the virtue of sitting with righteous,
good and honourable people, people of good attitude, awareness, knowledge
and manners, and indicates that it is not allowed to sit with evil people
and followers of innovation, those who backbite about people or who are
foul-mouthed and have nothing better to do, and other blameworthy things.
End quote. 

Sharh Muslim,


Not listening to songs,
music and haraam entertainment. 

Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning):

“And of mankind is he
who purchases idle talks (i.e. music, singing) to mislead (men) from the
path of Allaah without knowledge, and takes it (the path of Allaah, or the
Verses of the Qur’aan) by way of mockery. For such there will be a
humiliating torment (in the Hell‑fire).

7. And when Our Verses
(of the Qur’aan) are recited to such a one, he turns away in pride, as if he
heard them not — as if there were deafness in his ear. So announce to him a
painful torment”

[Luqmaan 31:6-7] 

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah
have mercy on him) said:  

Singers and those who
listen to them have a share of blame commensurate with the degree to which
they are distracted by songs from the Qur’aan. … This is made clear by the
fact that you will not find anyone who has an interest in songs and
listening to music but he will be somewhat misguided from the path of
guidance in terms of knowledge or action, and he is less eager to listen to
Qur’aan rather than songs, such that if he has the opportunity to listen
either to songs or to the Qur’aan, he will turn away from the latter to the
former, and listening to Qur’aan will be burdensome for him, and he may go
so far as to tell the reciter to be quiet and tell the singer to carry on,
and never have his fill of listening to songs.  

Ighaathat al-Lahfaan
(1/240, 241). 


Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan
(may Allaah preserve him) said: 

The Muslim must repent from
sin and hasten to do so, in obedience to the command of Allaah, so as to
save himself from the punishment and wrath of Allaah. It is not permissible
for him to continue in sin or to delay repentance in order to obey his nafs
(self) or the shaytaan, or to wait until people criticize him. Rather he
must fear Allaah and not fear people. Even if they are committing sin it is
not permissible for him to follow their example, and he must also oblige his
family to repent, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):  

“O you who believe! Ward
off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and

[al-Tahreem 66:6]. 

He should not be kind to
them with regard to matters that anger Allaah. 

Al-Muntaqa min Fataawa
al-Fawzaan (2/p. 293). 

And Allaah knows best.

Ruling on using medicine or mechanical means to enlarge the penis

Ruling on using medicine or mechanical means to enlarge the penis
I feel very embarrassed to ask this question. But there should not be shyness in Islam. There is a religious God-fearing sister I know who is married and has children. This sister says that she does not enjoy the intimate relationship sometimes with her husband, because he has a small penis. She asks: Is it permissible to ask her husband to use some medication or machine to enlarge the size of his penis? She saw some advertisements in pharmacies and on the internet about this matter. Should she ask him to use an artificial penis on his penis so that she enjoys, then take it out for him to enjoy as well?.


Praise be to Allaah.


There is nothing wrong with
the husband referred to here consulting doctors for a prescription that will
enlarge his penis, so long as there are no harmful side effects. 

There is nothing wrong with
him using something that is placed over his penis, such as a condom and the
like, if that will make his wife’s pleasure more complete, because the basic
principle is that it is permissible and the husband is required to treat his
wife well, which includes keeping his wife chaste and fulfilling her
desires, and removing any obstacles that might prevent that. 


Your saying “There is no
shyness in religion” is not appropriate. It would be better for you to say
that Allaah is not shy to speak the truth. 

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may
Allaah have mercy on him) said in one of his answers: As for you saying
“There is no shyness in religion,” it is better to say that Allaah is not
shy to speak the truth, as Umm Sulaym (may Allaah have mercy on her) said:
“O Messenger of Allaah, Allaah is not shy to speak the truth. Does a woman
have to do ghusl if she has a wet dream?” As for saying “there is no shyness
in religion”, this is based on a misunderstanding of the proper meaning. The
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Shyness is
part of faith.” So shyness in religion is part of faith, but when someone
says “There is no shyness in religion,” what he means is that there is no
shyness in matters of religion, i.e., in asking about something concerning
which one may feel shy. If this is what is meant, then it is better to say
that Allaah is not shy to speak the truth. Al-Liqa’ al-Shahri (37/25) 

And Allaah knows best.

Her husband forces her to tell him everything that she hears from her family and other people!

Her husband forces her to tell him everything that she hears from her family and other people!
My husband forces me to tell him the whole dialogue I had with my mother or brothers or anyone else. He justifies this by saying that my mother may say something that can spoil our relationship. It causes problems between us if I refuse to tell him. Shall I respond to his request?.


Praise be to Allaah.



What this husband should do – if what his wife is saying
about him is true – is fear his Lord with regard to this demand that he is
making of his wife, and he should realize that he is sinning by doing this,
and that it is not permissible for his wife to obey him in this matter. 


We advise this husband to focus on himself rather than other
people, and to look at his own faults and correct them, and to look at his
own shortcomings and strive to perfect his own self that is inclined towards
evil. That is better for him and is more appropriate than focusing on other
people and what they say and do. Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on
him) said: The greatest loser is the one who is distracted from Allaah by
himself, and even worse off is the one who is distracted from himself by
other people. Al-Fawaa’id (p. 58). 


He should not think badly of people and believe that he is
perfect, because not everything that people say concerns him or has to do
with him, rather it is his desire to hear people’s stories and find out
about their situations, and to rejoice at their shortcomings. 


It is to be hoped that this husband does not approve of his
wife telling him what her family and other people say to her, even if they
are talking about him, because by doing that she would be a gossipmonger and
one of the salaf said: A gossipmonger and a liar could cause more damage in
an hour than a practitioner of witchcraft could do in a year. So how about
if he is the one who tells her to do that, and even orders her to do so, and
threatens to punish her if she does not do it?! 

al-Nawawi said, quoting from Abu Haamid al-Ghazaali (may
Allaah have mercy on them both): 

The one to whom gossip comes, saying So and so said this
about you, or did that to you, should do six things: 

He should not believe it,
because the one who gossips is an evildoer.

He should tell him not to do
that, and advise him, and condemn his action.

He should hate him for the sake
of Allaah, for he is hateful before Allaah, may He be exalted, and he should
hate the one whom Allaah hates.

He should not think ill of his
absent brother.

He should not let what he is
told lead him to spy on others or try to find out about it.

He should not approve for
himself what he told the gossipmonger not to do, so he should not transmit
the gossip and say “So and so said such and such”, in which case he would
also be a gossipmonger and would be doing that which he told someone else
not to do. End quote. 

Al-Adhkaar (275). 


What this husband wants from his wife is nameemah (gossip)
which is a major sin. Undoubtedly passing on such gossip will lead to evil
consequences, severing of ties, resentment and enmity, and undoubtedly the
wife’s family would hate for their words to be passed on. He should
understand that gossip is not merely passing on what people say for the
purpose of causing trouble, rather it may be for the purpose of enjoyment. 

Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him)

What should be avoided and shunned totally is gossip which
means transmitting words from one person to another, or from one group to
another, or from one tribe to another, with the aim of causing trouble and
creating problems between them. It means disclosing that which should not be
disclosed, whether it is disliked by the one from whom it is transmitted or
the one to whom it is transmitted or a third party, and whether it is
disclosed verbally, in writing, in symbols or by gestures, and whether what
is transmitted is words or actions, and whether it refers to a fault or
shortcoming in the person from whom it is transmitted or not. A person
should keep quiet about whatever he sees of people’s situations, unless
speaking of it will bring some benefit to a Muslim or ward off some harm. 

The motive in spreading gossip is either ill will towards the
person of whom one speaks or to show love to the person to whom one speaks,
or to indulge in unnecessary talk and falsehood. All of that is

There is a great deal of evidence in the Qur’aan and Sunnah
to show that gossip is haraam, such as the verses in which Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): 

“And (O Muhammad صلى الله
عليه وسلم) obey you not everyone Hallaaf Maheen (the one who swears
much and is a liar or is worthless).

11. A slanderer, going about with calumnies”

[al-Qalam 68:10,11] 

“Woe to every slanderer and backbiter”

[al-Humazah 104:1] 

It was narrated that Hudhayfah (may Allaah be pleased with
him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: “No gossipmonger will enter Paradise” (Agreed upon). And it
was narrated from Ibn Mas’ood (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Shall I not
tell you what is falsehood? It is nameemah (gossip), transmitting what
people say.” Narrated by Muslim.  

Gossip is one of the things that incur the punishment in the
grave, because of the report narrated by Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased
with him), according to which the Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) passed by two graves and said:
“They are being punished, but they
are not being punished for anything that was difficult to avoid.” Then he
said, “No. One of them used not to protect himself from his urine, and the
other used to walk around spreading malicious gossip.”

Agreed upon. 

Rather backbiting and gossip are forbidden because they
involve attempts to cause trouble among people and create splits and chaos,
and fan the flames of enmity, rancour, destructive envy and hypocrisy, and
to take away love and friendship, by causing rifts and disputes and
resentment among brethren. It also involves lying, deceit, betrayal and
trickery, and making accusations against those who are innocent, and giving
in to slander and reviling and mentioning bad deeds and qualities, and
because they are a sign of cowardice, meanness and weakness; moreover those
who indulge in them commit sins which incur the wrath of Allaah and a
painful punishment. 

Fataawa al-Shaykh Ibn Baaz

It was said that al-‘adhu (translated above a falsehood)
means witchcraft in the language of Quraysh, and it was said that it means
lies and fabrications. 

Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Jibreen (may Allaah preserve him)
was asked: 

My husband tells his family what I say, then he tells me what
they say, and that leads to many problems. I have often asked him not to do
that but he does not pay any heed. What should I do? 

He replied: 

This is called nameemah (malicious gossip), which means
transmitting what people say by way of stirring up trouble. As for the
warning, Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“ A slanderer, going about with calumnies”

[al-Qalam 68:10,11]. This is a
description of some of the people of Hell. And Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning): “Woe to every slanderer and backbiter”[al-Humazah 104:1].
This refers to the gossipmonger. The Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: “No gossipmonger will enter Paradise.” And
according to a report: A gossipmonger could cause more damage in an hour
than a practitioner of witchcraft could do in a year. And the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) stated that “The gossipmonger
will be punished in his grave.” Undoubtedly the prohibition is more emphatic
if the gossip is among a man and his wife and relatives. He has to fear
Allaah and remember that He is always watching him, and he should keep away
from things that will incur punishment in this world or the next. He has to
avoid lying, backbiting, gossip, slander and stirring up trouble among
people. He should be honest, protect people’s honour, fear Allaah and
remember that He is always watching, and that He is stern in punishment. End

Al-Hulool al-Shar’iyyah li’l-Khilaafaat wa’l-Mushkilaat
al-Zawjiyyah wa’l-Usariyyah byShaykh ‘Abd-Allaah
ibn Jibreem (fatwa no. 42). 

So the husband must stop asking his wife to do this, and if
he persists then it is not permissible for his wife to respond to his
request. By agreeing to transmit what people say, one is persisting in sin
and listening to it, but by refusing one is refraining from it and putting a
stop to it. 

If the wife is afraid that it will lead to troubles between
her and her husband, there is no sin on her, if her husband insists that she
should tell him what her family says, if she tells him that they praised him
and said good things about him, and other such words that will spread love
and friendly feelings, and will extinguish the flames of fitnah and disputes
between her husband and her family. 

We ask Allaah to guide your husband and bring you together in
a good manner. 

And Allaah knows best.

When is buying a large house considered extravagance?

When is buying a large house considered extravagance?
My wife insists that we must buy a big house with a garden and swimming pool. While I insist on living in a small house (3 bedrooms for example) without the extra luxuries such as a garden and swimming pool. What is the solution for this problem? I cannot force her to be ascetic. We must live together and I know that her wanting to live a luxurious life is not an enough justification for divorce, but I do not want to live just for the pleasure of this world. What shall I do? If I buy a big house as my wife wishes, will I be rewarded? Bearing to mind that I do not mind living in a small house; I do not need but a ceiling that conceals my family and me. Will I be considered of those who Allah says about them: “You received your good things in the life of the world, and you took your pleasure therein.


Praise be to Allaah.


The Muslim should not make this world his main concern, and
poverty is not what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) feared for his ummah, rather he feared that the world would open up to
them and they would compete in worldly gain, for that could lead to their
doom and destruction. 

It was narrated that ‘Amr ibn ‘Awf (may Allaah be pleased
with him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: “Allaah, it is not poverty that I fear for you, rather what I fear for
you is that worldly riches may be given to you as they were given to those
who came before you, and you will compete for them with one another as they
competed with one another, and you will be destroyed as they were

Narrated by al-Bukhaari (2988) and Muslim (2961). 

Al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar (may Allaah have mercy on him) said
concerning the lessons learned from this hadeeth: 

Competition in worldly gains may lead to destruction of
religious commitment. 

Fath al-Baari (6/263). 

And he said: 

Ibn Battaal said: This shows that the one to whom the
delights of this world open up should beware of their bad consequences and
the evil of their temptation, and he should not be at ease with its
adornments or compete with others for them. 

Fath al-Baari (11/245). 

The one who is distracted from the Hereafter by worldly
pursuits is a loser, for this world is but play and there is nothing lasting
or perfect in it; the Hereafter is better and more lasting. Allaah has
likened this world to the plants which grow and flourish, then they soon
become straw scattered by the wind; there is nothing lasting for man in this
world, hence he must make the Hereafter his goal. 

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Know that the life of this world is only play and
amusement, pomp and mutual boasting among you, and rivalry in respect of
wealth and children. (It is) as the likeness of vegetation after rain,
thereof the growth is pleasing to the tiller; afterwards it dries up and you
see it turning yellow; then it becomes straw. But in the Hereafter (there
is) a severe torment (for the disbelievers ___evildoers), and (there is)
forgiveness from Allaah and (His) Good Pleasure (for the believers __
good‑doers). And the life of this world is only a deceiving enjoyment”

[al-Hadeed 57:20] 

“And put forward to them the example of the life of this
world: it is like the water (rain) which We send down from the sky, and the
vegetation of the earth mingles with it, and becomes fresh and green. But
(later) it becomes dry and broken pieces, which the winds scatter. And
Allaah is Able to do everything.

46. Wealth and children are the adornment of the life of
this world. But the good righteous deeds that last, are better with your
Lord for rewards and better in respect of hope”

[al-Kahf 18:45, 46] 


One of the signs that people may be destroyed by their
competing in worldly gains is their buying houses with riba-based loans. A
person exposes himself to the wrath and anger of Allaah for the sake of
competing with others in building a house and in decorating it and making it
spacious, but they may be among those who used up all their good things in
this world, because they did that which Allaah has forbidden for the sake of
pleasure and enjoyment. As for the one who builds or buys a house with
halaal wealth and enjoys it, he is not included among these people. 

We have stated that it is haraam to buy houses through
riba-based banks in the answers to questions no.
21914 and


Hence we know that there is no reward in building a house per
se, otherwise the rich who build palaces for millions would occupy the
highest degrees of Paradise! The dinar that a Muslim spends on building his
house will not be reciprocated in the Hereafter. A man may be free of sin,
and if he is rewarded it will be only for his intention in protecting his
family and household from indignity, and sheltering them in a house that
protects their dignity and honour. But there is no reward merely for
building a house, and he may be exposed to sin and punishment if he is
extravagant and his aim is to show off and boast. 

The scholars of the Standing Committee quoted a number of
ahaadeeth which criticize building, after which they said: 

With regard to these ahaadeeth and other similar reports,
some of them are saheeh, some are hasan and some are not sound. Those of
them which are regarded as sound are to be understood as criticizing the one
who does that to show off and as an act of extravagance. This varies from
one situation, person, place and time to another. It is proven in Saheeh
Muslim in the hadeeth of ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab (may Allaah have mercy on
him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said,
when Jibreel asked him about the signs of the Hour: “When you see the
barefoot, naked, destitute shepherds competing in the construction of lofty
buildings.” Ibn Rajab said, commenting on this hadeeth: What is meant is
that the lowest of the people will become their leaders, and their wealth
will increase, until they compete in building tall buildings, and adorning
them. Al-Nawawi mentioned the same meaning in Sharh Saheeh Muslim,
where he discussed this hadeeth. 

With regard to making a building tall for a legitimate
purpose, such as to provide facilities and accommodation for the needy, or
as a means of earning money, or because one has a lot of dependents and the
like, there is nothing wrong with that as far as we can see, because things
are to be judged by their purpose. The Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: “Actions are but by intention, and every man will
have but that which he intended.” This hadeeth was narrated by al-Bukhaari
and Muslim in their Saheehs from ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with

Shaykh ‘Abd al-Razzaaq ‘Afeefi, Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn
Ghadyaan, Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Munay’ 

Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah

Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have
mercy on him) was asked: 

We have been told that every deed of the son of Adam will be
rewarded except building a house. Is this correct? If it is correct, what is
the reason? Please mention the hadeeth in which it was narrated. May Allaah
reward you with good. 

He replied: 

Yes, this was narrated concerning a man who spent his money
extravagantly on mud, i.e., in building that which he had no need for. As
for building that which a person needs, it is one of the necessities of
life, and if a person spends on himself for the necessities of life, he will
be rewarded for that if he spends it seeking thereby the Countenance of
Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted. But showing off and competing in
constructing tall buildings is something in which there is nothing good,
rather it is nothing but a waste of money. As for that which a person builds
because he needs it, he will be rewarded for that, if he seeks thereby the
Countenance of Allaah, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said to Sa’d ibn Abi Waqqaas: “Know that you will never
spend anything seeking thereby the Countenance of Allaah, but you will be
rewarded for it, even (the food) that you put in your wife’s mouth.” 

Al-Liqa’ al-Shahri (15/question
no. 6). 

See also the ahaadeeth and comments of the scholars
concerning this issue in the answer to question no.


Hence you may know the ruling on building the house that your
wife wants you to buy for them, and we will sum that up for you in the
following points: 

It is not permissible to buy a
house with money from haraam sources such as riba-based loans or wealth that
was unlawfully seized. 

 There is no reward for simply
building a house, but if the owner intends to shelter his family and protect
them from heat and cold, he will be rewarded for his intention, not just for
the house itself. 

It is not permissible for a
Muslim to build or buy a house with the intention of boasting and showing
off, and if he does that then he is sinning. 

There is no reason why the
house should not have a pool or garden, but that is subject to the condition
that it should not be extravagance or going to extremes with regard to the
size and price of the house. A spacious house is a joy to its owner. 

It was narrated that Sa’d ibn Abi Waqqaas said: The Messenger
of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“There are four things that are
essential for happiness: a righteous wife, a spacious home, a good neighbour
and a sound means of transportation. And there are four things that make one
miserable: a bad neighbour, a bad wife, a small house and a bad means of

Narrated by Ibn Hibbaan in his Saheeh (1232) and
classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (282) and
Saheeh al-Targheeb (1914). 

Al-Manaawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:  

“a spacious home” means: it is very comfortable for its
inhabitants, in which case its spaciousness varies from one person to
another, because what is spacious for one may be small for another, and vice

Fayd al-Qadeer (3/302). 

Determining whether or not the
costs of building or purchasing count as extravagance depends on the
person’s situation. If a man’s wealth is 100 million riyals, for example,
then it is not regarded as extravagance – let alone squandering – if he
builds or buys a house  for 2 million riyals. But if a man’s wealth comes
only from his salary that he takes every month, then it is regarded as
extravagance if he oversteps the limit in building or buying a house. 

The one who is extravagant with regard to houses is the one
who goes beyond the usual limit, and adds extra floors or rooms
unnecessarily. The one who squanders is the one who builds unnecessarily or
spends his money carelessly on construction. 

Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have
mercy on him) was asked: 

A man bought a house for two million riyals, then he
furnished it for six hundred thousand. After that he bought a car for three
hundred thousand riyals. Is this man regarded as extravagant and a
squanderer? What is the ruling on buying expensive items for decorating
houses? Please advise us, may Allaah reward you with good. 

He replied: 

Extravagance is that which oversteps the limit. Allaah, may
He be exalted, has stated in His Book that He does not love the extravagant.
If we say that extravagance is overstepping the limit, then extravagance
varies. A thing may be extravagance in the case of one person, but not in
the case of another. This man who bought a house for two million riyals, and
furnished it for six hundred thousand, and bought a car – if he is rich then
it is not extravagance, because this is easy for those who are very rich.
But if he is not rich, then he is regarded as extravagant, whether he is of
moderate means or he is poor, because some poor people want to look good, so
they buy these huge mansions and furnish them lavishly, and they may borrow
money from people for that, and this is wrong. 

So the three categories of people are: 

a rich man who is very well
off, so we say that if he – at present times, but we do not say that it
applies in all times – buys a house for two million riyals, and furnishes it
for six hundred thousand, and buys a car, then he is not being extravagant.

A man of moderate means; in his
case it is regarded as extravagance.

A poor man. In his case it is
regarded as foolishness, because how can he take out a loan to make himself
look good with something that he has no need of?! 

Liqaa’aat al-Baab al-Maftooh
(107/question no. 4) 

And Allaah knows best.