Saturday 28 January 2012

Can they get married and agree not to be intimate until their financial situation improves?

If a brother happens to see a sister he likes and both of them decided to do aqidui nikkah.both of them knowing that the brother is still in school and he does not have the means to provide for the sister yet and both of them agree that they will not come to each other sexually till they are financialy okay enough to raise a family.is it allowed in islam .

Praise be to Allaah.

Marriage is one of the means of obtaining provision, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And marry those among you who are single (i.e. a man who has no wife and the woman who has no husband) and (also marry) the Saalihoon (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid‑servants (female slaves). If they be poor, Allaah will enrich them out of His Bounty. And Allaah is All‑Sufficient for His creatures’ needs, All‑Knowing (about the state of the people)”

[al-Noor 24:32] 

al-Qurtubi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “those among you who are single” refers to those who have no spouse, men and women. 

And he said: “If they be poor, Allaah will enrich them out of His Bounty” means: do not refrain from getting married because the man or the woman is poor. If they are poor, Allaah will make them independent of means by His bounty. This is a promise of independence of means to those who get married, seeking the pleasure of Allaah and seeking to protect themselves from sin. Ibn Mas’ood said: Seek independence of means through marriage, and he recited this verse. ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: I am surprised by those who do not seek independence of means through marriage, when Allaah has said, “If they be poor, Allaah will enrich them out of His Bounty.” Something similar was also narrated from Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him). 

Al-Qurtubi also said: This verse indicates that the poor man should get married, and he should not say, How can I get married when I have no wealth? For his provision comes from Allaah. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) gave in marriage a woman who came to offer herself to him, to a man who hadnothing but a single izaar (waist-wrapper). End quote from Tafseer al-Qurtubi (12/218). 

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There are three who are all entitled to Allaah’s help: the one who fights for the sake of Allaah; the mukaatab who wants to pay (the price of his freedom); and the one who gets married seeking chastity.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1579), al-Nasaa'i (3166) and Ibn Maajah (2509). This hadeeth was classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. 

If this young man is going to do the marriage contract, and his wife is going to stay in her father’s house until they can afford to set up home together, there is nothing wrong with that. But he has to look for work so that he can spend on himself, his wife and his house, so that his wife and her family will not be adversely affected if it takes too long. 

If what is meant is that his wife will move to his house but they have agreed not to be intimate, so that they will not have children at this stage, that is not appropriate for several reasons: 

1-    Refraining from intimacy means missing out on something that is one of the most important aims of marriage, which is having children. 

2-    Refraining from having children for fear of poverty is contrary to putting one’s trust in Allaah, and it is an imitation of the people of Jaahiliyyah who used to kill their children for fear of poverty. Allaah has guaranteed to give provision for every soul, as He says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And no moving (living) creature is there on earth but its provision is due from Allaah. And He knows its dwelling place and its deposit (in the uterus or grave). All is in a Clear Book (Al‑Lauh Al‑Mahfûz — the Book of Decrees with Allaah)”

[Hood 11:6] 

“And in the heaven is your provision, and that which you are promised”

[al-Dhaariyaat 51:22] 

But we must point out two things: 

1 – With regard to marriage, it is essential that the conditions be fulfilled, which is the consent of both parties and that there be no legal impediments such as their being mahrams (relatives to whom marriage is forbidden) or their being related through breastfeeding. The woman’s wali (guardian) and two witnesses must also be present, otherwise the marriage is not valid. 

2 – It is not permissible for a man and woman to form a relationship before marriage, because of the many negative consequences to which that will lead, such as falling in love, sickness of the heart (because of sin), looking at one another, being alone together, speaking softly to one another and other things that Allaah has forbidden. 

And Allaah knows best.

Marrying a thirteen year old girl

I'm a boy of 26, and i have come to know a very nice girl, belonging to a very good family. I wish to marry her and to propose to her parents for this purpose. But the problem is that the girl is still a child, and only 13 years old, which makes her 13 years my junior in age.
I wish to ask if its morally acceptable for me to think about her, be attracted to her and to propose for her in marriage. And do u think our relationship would be legitimate and socially and religiously acceptable with this age difference.
Also, if per chance it is acceptable, it raises a question that islam advocates soliciting a girl's opinion in marriage, but how can such a young girl make an intelligent decision for herself. In such case, what are the basis for islam's allowing such a marriage to take place. 

Praise be to Allaah.  

There is nothing wrong with your marrying this girl, even though there is this difference in age between you. What matters is that she should be religiously committed and of good character. These are what matters when it comes to marriage, and are the factors that lead to harmony and happiness in sha Allaah. 

The validity of marriage to a minor girl is proven by the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And those of your women as have passed the age of monthly courses, for them the ‘Iddah (prescribed period), if you have doubt (about their periods), is three months; and for those who have no courses [(i.e. they are still immature) their ‘Iddah (prescribed period) is three months likewise, except in case of death]”

[al-Talaaq 65:4] 

So the ‘iddah for those who do not menstruate because they are too young is three months, and ‘iddah has to do with divorce after getting married, which indicates that the girls in question has been married and divorced. 

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) when she was six years old, and he consummated the marriage with her when she was nine, and at that time he was over fifty. 

Al-Bukhaari (3894) and Muslim (1422) narrated that ‘Aa’ishah said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married me when I was six years old and consummated the marriage with me when I was nine. 

A girl who is thirteen years old may have reached the age of puberty, in which case her consent is essential according to the more correct of the two scholarly opinions, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A previously-married woman should not be married until she has been consulted, and a virgin should not be married until her permission has been sought.” They said: “O Messenger of Allaah, what is her permission?” He said: “If she remains silent.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5136; Muslim, 1419, from the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him). See also question no. 22760. 

If she has not reached the age of puberty, then her father has the sole right to arrange her marriage and does not have to ask her permission. 

Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: With regard to a virgin who is still a minor, there is no difference of opinion concerning her (i.e., that her father may marry her off even if she objects). Ibn al-Mundhir said: Every scholar from whom we learned was agreed that it is permissible for a man to marry off his virgin daughter who is still a minor, if he marries her to someone who is compatible, and it is permissible for him to marry her off even if she objects and refuses.” Al-Mughni, 9/398 

But it was narrated from Imam Ahmad that whoever reaches the age of nine years comes under the same ruling as a girl who has reached puberty, so her permission must be sought. But if the father opts to be on the safe side and ask her permission, that is better.  Al-Mughni, 8/398-405. 

And Allaah knows best.

Marrying a Hindu girl who wants to become Muslim

I am a Mulsim male, 24 years old. I live in the U.S. I have known a particular girl for over 6 years now, and she is a HINDU. She and I want to marry, and she wants to learn more about Islam and convert after her knowledge and faith are stronger. Her family was hesitant at first, but is ok with it if this is what she wants. My family on the other hand has reservations about it. They are telling me that she MUST change her name to a Muslim name. Also, since she is the only child of her parents, she still wants to have, in addition to the Muslim ceremony, a Hindu ceremony so that her parents can have what they have always wanted. She has agreed with me to take out parts from the Hindu ceremony that are at all RELIGIOUS, and just do the traditional/cultural parts of it. I feel ok with this, but my parents are making a BIG deal about this. she is willing to learn and accept Islam, and she is just getting upset and frustrated that my parents are making this so difficult, and not being flexible or understanding to her situation. What are your thoughts? Please advise.

Praise be to Allaah.  

We appreciate your confidence in us, and we ask Allaah to make us as you think we are.  

Firstly: 

Please note, may Allaah guide you, that it is not permissible for a Muslim man to marry a non-Muslim woman, unless she is of the people of the Book (Jewish or Christian). 

See question no. 8015. 

If she becomes Muslim, there is nothing wrong with you marrying her in that case. 

Secondly: 

Try to make sure that your marriage has the approval of your parents, because the approval of your parents will have a good effect on your married life, and this is part of the honouring of parents for which a man will be rewarded. 

Thirdly: 

With regard to changing the name, Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

It is not essential to change the name unless it is a name that is not permitted in sharee’ah, such as names which indicate servitude and submission to something other than Allaah and the like, which must be changed. Similarly if it is a name that is used exclusively by the kuffaar and no one else, then it must be changed lest one resemble the kuffaar thereby and lest one feel an attachment to this name which is exclusively for the kuffaar or be accused of not having become Muslim yet. 

See al-Ijaabaat ‘ala As’ilah al-Jaaliyaat, pp. 4-5. 

In the future her changing her name will please your parents, so there is nothing wrong with your convincing her to change it to please your parents. 

Fourthly: 

You should pray istikhaarah so that your Lord will help you to choose that which is best for you in this world and in the hereafter. You can learn how to pray istikhaarah in question no. 2217.  

We ask Allaah to help you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him and to bless us with wives and children who will bring us joy. 

And Allaah knows best.

He married a widow and his family objects

I need help.I married a Muslim Woman who had 4 children.A dedicated muslim widow. In spite of my parents approval I married her.And now we are living happily dedicated in five times prayers,reading Quran etc,along with the children.The reason for my marrage was sincere and genuine, no foul play of intention.To give a helping hand to a woman burdened with children and her sustainence. 
The reason for refusal of my parents was as to why I should carry somebody elses burden or trash and thats not fair for me to face a punishment as such. And was also concern that the difficuilty and shame they will face in front of their relations. 
I had humbly and kindly explained to them this: 
1. I do have the courage to take a woman of that nature and face the consequences with the help of Allah.And Allah will not put a burden that I cannot carry. 
2. And why I should not face a punishment for a good cause in the name of Allah,where as I am giving life to a women who had emmencely fallen down mentally,physically and financially. 
3. Relations talk about pride and wealth only,do not pray, think Allah.and also do not care us, And I totally rely on Allah and not on my relations kith & kin.  But in spite of all explaination they refuse me and my wife.I married in spite of all this and I am happy now. I repent every day to Allah for being very hash & hard to my parents. 
Dear brother,couple of days before in TV in a particular Islamic session A brother said that Janna or heaven is in the feet of a persons mother,if I heard it correctly,Now I feel too guilty about myself. So please let me know what shall I do now?.

Praise be to Allaah.  

What you have done, marrying a woman who has children and was suffering from numerous problems is an action for which you deserve to be praised and rewarded, especially since she is religiously-committed as seems to be the case from your question. 

Islam encourages the one who wants to get married to look for a woman who is religiously-committed, for she is the best kind of wife he can have. She will keep herself and her husband chaste, and raise his children in the manner that Allaah likes. She will obey her husband and not disobey him. Marriage to a virgin is encouraged in sharee’ah and is better than marrying a previously-married woman, but the previously-married woman may have characteristics that make her better than a virgin, such as if marriage to her serves a purpose that cannot be met by marrying a virgin, or if her religious commitment and attitude is better than that of a virgin. 

Al-Bukhaari (4052) and Muslim (715) narrated that Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to me: “Have you got married, O Jaabir?” I said, “Yes.” He said, “To a virgin or to a previously-married woman?” I said, “To a previously-married woman, O Messenger of Allaah.” He said, “Why not a young girl with whom you could play and she could play with you?” I said, “My father was killed on the day of Uhud, and he left behind nine daughters. I did not like to bring to them someone like them, and I wanted to bring a woman who could look after them and guide them.” He said, “May Allaah bless you,” or he said good words to me. According to one report he said, “You did the right thing.” And according to a version narrated by Muslim, “Then that is better. For women may be married for their religious commitment, their wealth or their beauty. Choose the one who is religiously committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” 

Al-Shawkaani said in Nayl al-Awtaar (6/126): 

This indicates that it is mustahabb to marry virgins, except for one who has a reason to marry a previously-married woman, as happened in the case of Jaabir. End quote. 

Al-Sindi said: 

“Then that is better” means, what you did by marrying a previously-married woman is better or is good. End quote. 

So you have done well by marrying this woman, and what people say should not matter to you after that. You have done what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did, for most of his wives had been previously married. 

It is not essential for your parents to agree with your marriage, especially if their objections are for the reasons you mentioned. We have previously quoted in the answer to question no. 21052 the fatwa of Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Humayyid concerning this matter, so please read it as it is important. 

You have to repent and seek Allaah’s forgiveness for being harsh towards your parents. You have to be gentle with them and try to please them. You can argue with them in the way that is better so as to convince them, and in this way you can combine two things: marrying whom you want and pleasing your parents, which is important. 

Secondly: 

With regard to the hadeeth, “Paradise is at the feet of mothers,” this wording is not saheeh. 

It was narrated from Ibn ‘Abbaas and from Anas. 

The hadeeth of Ibn ‘Abbaas was narrated by Ibn ‘Adiyy in al-Kaamil (6/347). He said: this is a munkar hadeeth [a category of weak hadeeth]. 

The hadeeth of Anas was narrated by al-Khateeb al-Baghdaadi, and it is da’eef (weak). 

Al-‘Ajlooni said: 

Concerning this subject there is also the report narrated by al-Khateeb in his Jaami’ and by al-Qadaa’i in his Musnad, from Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) and attributed to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “Paradise is at the feet of mothers.” Its isnaad includes Mansoor ibn al-Muhaajir and Abu’l-Nadr al-Abaar, both of whom are unknown. 

Al-Khateeb also mentioned it narrated from Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him), and classed it as da’eef. 

Kashf al-Khafa’, 1/401. 

Shaykh al-Albaani said of the hadeeth of Ibn ‘Abbaas that it is mawdoo’ (fabricated). And he said: 

We can do without it and refer instead to the hadeeth of Mu’aawiyah ibn Jaahimah, who said that he came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, “O Messenger of Allaah, I want to go out for jihad and I have come to consult you.” He said, “Do you have a mother?” He said, “Yes.” He said, “Then stay with her, for Paradise is at her feet.” 

Narrated by al-Nasaa’i, 2/54, and by others such as al-Tabaraani (1/225/2), and its isnaad is hasan in sha Allah. Al-Haakim classed it as saheeh (4/151) and al-Dhahabi agreed with him, as did al-Mundhiri, 3/214. 

Al-Silsilah al-Da’eefah, 593. 

And Allaah knows best.

It is better to marry a non-relative or a relative?

Is it better or preferable for a Muslim to marry someone he is not related to rather than a relative?".

Praise be to Allaah.

A number of scholars regarded it as mustahabb for a man to marry a woman who is not related to him, and they gave a number of reasons for that: 

1 – The child would have good characteristics, because he would take characteristics from his father’s side and his mother’s side. 

2 – There is no guarantee that they will not separate which would lead to severing of the ties of kinship. 

It says in al-Insaaf (8/16): It is mustahabb to choose a woman who is religiously committed and fertile, a virgin of good lineage who is not a relative. End quote. 

It says in Mataalib Ooli al-Nuha (5/9): A non-relative, because her children will have better characteristics, and because there is no guarantee that they will not separate, which in the case of marriage to a relative would lead to severing of the ties of kinship, which we are enjoined to uphold. And it is said that non-relatives give children with better characteristics and female cousins have more patience. End quote. 

Al-Nawawi said in al-Manhaaj: It is mustahabb to choose a religiously committed virgin who is of good lineage but is not a close relative.” Al-Jalaal al-Mahalli said in his Sharh: “Not a close relative” means a non-relative or a distant relative. The one who is distantly related is better than one who is not related at all. End quote from Sharh al-Mahalli ma’a Haashiyat Qalyoobi wa ‘Umayrah, 3/208. 

You can see that there is no text concerning this matter, rather it is the ijtihaad of the fuqaha’ which they based on these interests, which differ from one person to another, and from one type of relationship to another. A man may decide to marry a relative so as to protect her and honour her family, or she may be religiously committed and of good character. 

The basic principle is that marriage is permissible. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married Zaynab bint Jahsh who was the daughter of his paternal aunt, and he gave his daughter Zaynab in marriage to Abu’l-‘Aas who was the son of her maternal aunt, and ‘Ali married Faatimah, and he was the son of her father’s paternal uncle. 

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said, after quoting the reasons that the fuqaha’ gave, of seeking good characteristics in the children and the fear of severing the ties of kinship: 

What they said is true, but if there is someone among the relatives who is better in terms of other considerations (such as religious commitment, lineage and beauty), then that is better. In the event that they are equal in these terms, then a non-relative is better.  

So if a female cousin is religiously committed and of good character, and he is in a weak position and needs kindness and support, then undoubtedly such a marriage serves a great interest. A man should pay attention to his interests in this case. There is no shar’i text concerning this matter that has to be followed, hence a person should do what he thinks is in his best interests. End quote from al-Sharh al-Mumti’, 5/123. 

The scholars of the Standing Committee were asked about marrying relatives and whether that causes retardation in the children.

 They replied: There are no saheeh ahaadeeth which forbid marriage to relatives. The incidence of retardation happens by the will and decree of Allaah and is not caused by marriage to relatives as is widely believed. End quote.

 Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 18/13 

And Allaah knows best.

Monday 23 January 2012

Advice to one who wants to get married but is not able for it

In the mosque we had a program where the Muslim youth could discuss with those who are older the ahaadeeth of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) concerning marriage, and the fact that they should make it easy for the youth to get married. This subject led to a number of discussions, because the parents are concerned about the situation and welfare of the couple, especially if they have children. 
Young people nowadays do not complete their university studies until the age of 21, or 23 for those who study medicine. They cannot afford the expenses of marriage. So what practical advice can you give them? Many of the Muslim youth in the west want to complete half of their religion.

Praise be to Allaah.  

Firstly: 

Discussing Islamic matters and spending time on that is one of the most beneficial things that a person can do for himself, because seeking knowledge is an obligation and an act of worship, and he is spending time in doing something that is of benefit to him and to others. If the people who are discussing do not understand something, then they have to ask people who have knowledge.

 Secondly: 

Our advice to those who live in the lands of immorality and kufr is to migrate from them to the Muslim lands where the temptations of this world and of women are less. The Muslim countries are not equal in that regard, so he has to choose the best of them.  

We advise them to leave every environment in which he may stumble and fall, whether that is his accommodation, his work or his school/college. 

We advise them to hasten to marry, and to choose righteous wives who do not make extravagant demands with regard to the mahr, etc. 

We advise those who are unable to get married to fear Allaah and not to look at or listen to haraam things, not to walk towards haraam things, not to touch that which it is not permissible for him to touch. They should help themselves in this regard by fasting and praying, making du’aa’, and keeping company with righteous people. They should keep themselves busy with beneficial things such as seeking knowledge, memorizing Qur’aan and making du’aa’ to Allaah, for if a person keeps busy in obeying Allaah, that will distract him from disobeying Him. 

Thirdly: 

Our advise to community leaders and parents and guardians of boys and girls is not to regard completion of studies as an impediment to marriage. Since when is marriage an obstacle to acquiring knowledge?! Rather reality and experience point to the opposite, because marriage helps a person to focus and makes his mind clear, and above all that it is obedience to the command of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to the youth to get married. 

So parents and guardians should not burden the youth with excessive demands that may be regarded as a form of extravagance. They should limit the demands to that which the woman and the house need only. They should understand that marriage is one of the means by which provision is sought. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And marry those among you who are single (i.e. a man who has no wife and the woman who has no husband) and (also marry) the Saalihoon (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid-servants (female slaves). If they be poor, Allaah will enrich them out of His Bounty. And Allaah is All-Sufficient for His creatures’ needs, All-Knowing (about the state of the people)”

[al-Noor 24:32] 

And Allaah knows best.

How should she deal with a husband who watches pornographic movies and does not give her her rights?

My husband has not been intimate with me for many years. I feel like he doesn't love me anymore. He has had sexual problems even when I first married him and I noticed he watches alot of movies which contain sex and nudity but will never aproach me or even kiss me. I have children and I believe divorce is not the right option. What is the solution? I feel shy to say anything to him about this matter.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: do not feel too shy to speak to your husband and advise him about these matters, because speaking to him may be more beneficial and make it easier to find a solution. Exhort him and speak to him in an effective manner such as will reach his heart; remind him of the punishment and wrath of Allaah; scare him with the torment of Hell; remind him of the trust and the responsibility he has towards his wife and children, (as in the hadeeth): “Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock; the man is the shepherd of his household and is responsible for those under his care.”

One of his rights over you is that you should tell him that what he is doing to you is a sin, and that watching these filthy movies is keeping him away from Allaah and from remembering Him. Perhaps he will relent and pay heed to your words. Keep repeating that to him, with wisdom and paying attention to what is in your best interests. If he does not respond, then seek the help of someone who you think he will listen to, such as knowledgeable and righteous people, relatives, friends or anyone who may have some influence over him.

Secondly:

Try to get him to listen to some effective tapes of khutbahs, speeches and lessons, directly or indirectly, and give him some Islamic books, so that maybe his heart will be opened to the truth.

Thirdly:

If none of this has any effect, then appoint an arbitrator from his family and an arbitrator from your family, who you think will be able, by their involvement, to improve the relationship between you and make him give up the evil things he is involved in. These arbitrators should be righteous people, in accordance with the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning):

“If you fear a breach between them twain (the man and his wife), appoint (two) arbitrators, one from his family and the other from hers; if they both wish for peace, Allaah will cause their reconciliation. Indeed Allaah is Ever All-Knower, Well-Acquainted with all things” [al-Nisaa’ 4:35]

If these two arbitrators wish for peace, then we ask Allaah to bring you back together in a good and proper manner and to reconcile you with the best relationship there can be between a husband and wife.

Fourthly:

If the arbitrators cannot achieve a complete reconciliation, then make the following offer to him, if you can be patient and put up with it:

Suggest that he marry another wife, and let you stay with him without any rights as far as the intimate relationship is concerned, on the condition that he gives up his sin and you stay with your children and he spends on you. There is nothing wrong with that, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And if a woman fears cruelty or desertion on her husband’s part, there is no sin on them both if they make terms of peace between themselves; and making peace is better” [al-Nisaa’ 4:128]

One of the meanings of making peace here is that she agrees to forego her right of having him stay with her overnight, in return for her staying married to him.

‘Aa’ishah said: “When Sawdah bint Zam’ah grew old, she gave her day to ‘Aa’ishah, so the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) spent Sawdah’s day with her.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4914; Muslim, 1463).

Sawdah, may Allaah be pleased with her, was one of the wives of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).

If you do not reach an agreement with him, even something of this nature, and you cannot be patient and put up with it, then you should not think about or suggest divorce except after being sure that that the disadvantages of staying with this man outweigh the disadvantages of separating from him. In this case, you should bear in mind the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning):

“But if they separate (by divorce), Allaah will provide abundance for everyone of them from His Bounty. And Allaah is Ever All-Sufficient for His creatures’ needs, All-Wise” [al-Nisaa’ 4:130]

In this difficult situation, you must turn to Allaah and seek His Help and ask for guidance to make the right decision. We remind you again that it is your duty to remind and advise this man in all situations. May Allaah protect you and take care of you.

Her husband is weak – can she put medicine in his food without him knowing?

I am a woman who needs intimacy with my husband, but my husband is weak in this regard. I have tried to convince him to get treatment but with no success. Can I put medicine to strengthen his desire in his food without him knowing?.

Praise be to Allaah.  

I asked our Shaykh ‘Abd al-Rahmaan al-Baraak about this and he replied: 

She should not do that. If she cannot put up with it she may ask for a divorce.

Her husband only has intercourse with her every four months

If a husband has sex with his wife every four (on a constant basis)months but it does not fulfill the womans sexual needs then is there any Islamic recourse that a woman can take concerning this matter. Is it fair that a man can have sex with his wife everyday but the wife can only have sex every four months with her husband? (after all it is not like she can marry another man to satisfy her needs. but her husband has ample room to satisfy his needs).

Praise be to Allaah.  

This action is undoubtedly wrong, and it is contrary to good treatment of one's wife. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“and live with them honourably”

[al-Nisa’ 4:19] 

“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable”

[al-Baqarah 2:228] 

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“The best of you are those who are best to their wives.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3895; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.  

It follows from this that the husband has to have intercourse with his wife in the manner that is sufficient to meet her needs. It is not a part of living with her honourably to forsake her for this length of time, namely four months. If that causes harm to the woman, then she has the right to demand an annulment of the marriage, 

With regard to the comment made by some of the scholars, that the husband only has to have intercourse with his wife once every four months, this is a weak view, for which there is no clear saheeh (sound) evidence. The correct view is that he has to have intercourse with his wife as often as will satisfy her needs, because of the shar’i principles mentioned above.

The reason why a woman is not allowed to observe a naafil fast without her husband’s permission

What is the reason why a woman is not allowed to observe a naafil fast without her husband’s permission even though that is an act of worship, and there is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience towards the Creator?.

Praise be to Allaah.  

Al-Bukhaari (5191) and Muslim (1026) narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “It is not permissible for a woman to fast when her husband is present except with his permission.” 

The version narrated by Abu Dawood (4258) and al-Tirmidhi (782) says: “No woman should fast when her husband is present except with his permission, apart from Ramadaan.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. 

Al-Haafiz said: i.e., when he is present and is not traveling. 

“Except with his permission” means apart from fasting the days of Ramadaan, and obligatory days apart from Ramadaan if there is not much time. This hadeeth indicates that it is haraam for her to observe the fast mentioned in the question without her husband’s permission. This is the view of the majority of scholars. 

This hadeeth indicates that the husband’s right over his wife takes precedence over her doing voluntary good deeds, because his right is an obligation and doing what is obligatory takes precedence over doing a voluntary action. 

Al-Nawawi said: 

This is to be understood as referring to voluntary and recommended fasts that are not to be done at a specific time. This prohibition was stated by our companions. The reason for that is that the husband has the right to be intimate with her on all days, and his right must be fulfilled immediately and cannot be delayed by a voluntary action or an obligatory action that could be done later on. If it is said that he should let her fast without his permission, and if he wants to be intimate with her he can do so and break her fast, the answer is that if she fasts, that usually prevents him from being intimate with her, because he would not want to spoil her fast.  

With regard to the questioner saying, “even though that is an act of worship, and there is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience towards the Creator” – 

We say: Yes, but if a woman does not observe a voluntary fast, that is not an act of disobedience or sin, rather what is sinful is not fasting in Ramadaan. Hence a woman should fast Ramadaan without her husband’s permission, as is indicated by the wording of the hadeeth narrated by Abu Dawood and al-Tirmidhi, quoted above. 

The husband’s rights take precedence over observing a naafil fast because this is something that is obligatory, and when there is a conflict regarding acts of worship, that which is more important takes precedence. 

And Allaah knows best.

Tuesday 17 January 2012

Her mother is rejecting the fiancé because there was no prior relationship or dating

I am a convert to Islam. Recently, a friend of mine (muslim) found a potential husband for me. I want to do everything Islamically, but my mother equates this with what she calls "marrying a stranger" because there is no dating involved. I want to go ahead with the marriage, but my mother wants me to obey her and not marry the man. I am 27, and am ready to be married. Do I have to obey my mother?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: 

We congratulate our sister on embracing Islam and we ask Allah to bless you with the guidance of your family and loved ones, and to help you to obey Him and seek His pleasure, and bless you with a righteous husband and righteous offspring. 

Secondly: 

Marriage in Islam is based on the proposal then the marriage contract. For the purposes of the proposal the man is allowed to see the woman and she is allowed to see him, so that the marriage will be based on clarity. That should be accompanied by asking about the man in order to find out about his character, religious commitment and condition, and the situation of his family. If he is good, then the basic principle is that he should be accepted, because the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one whose religious commitment and attitude pleases you, then marry [your female relative who is under your care] to him, for if you do not do that, there will be tribulation on earth and much corruption.”

Narrated by at-Tirmidhi (1084) from the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah. Classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh at-Tirmidhi. 

The fiancé is still a stranger to the woman, so it is not permissible for him to be alone with her, or to shake hands with her, or to look at her apart from looking in order to decide whether to go ahead with the proposal. 

From this you will understand that Islam does not permit a relationship between a man and a woman who is not his mahram, even if that is for the purpose of marriage. This relationship is not permissible either before or after the proposal. But if there is a need to sit with the one who is proposing once or more in order to find out about his situation or to make arrangements for the marriage contract, there is nothing wrong with that so long as a mahram is present, and the woman wears proper hijab, and she treats him as as a man who is a non-mahram.

Thirdly: 

If your mother does not approve of the man for the reasons mentioned, which is that she thinks it is essential for there to be dating and a relationship and getting to know one another before proposing marriage, you do not have to obey her in her rejection of this man, because she is calling you to do something that is not permissible in Islam, and there is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience to the Creator. In that case you have to explain to her the ruling on these relationships and try to convince her of the marriage by telling her about some of the good qualities of the man after you have asked about him and found out about him. 

If her rejection is for an acceptable reason, whether it has to do with religious or worldly matters, such as any shortcoming in his wealth or appearance, or something bad in his family and so on, then it is better to obey your moher. 

If there is no acceptable reason for her refusal, then you do not have to obey her, but you should strive to please her and make her happy because of the great rights to kind treatment and respect that the mother has. 

Fourthly: 

In order for the marriage contract to be valid it must done by the woman’s guardian, because the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage except with a guardian.” Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2085; al-Tirmidhi, 1101; Ibn Maajah, 1881, from Abu Moosa al-Ash‘ari. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh at-Tirmidhi. 

The woman’s guardian is her father, then his father (i.e., paternal grandfather), then her son, then his son (i.e., grandson, if she has a son), then her brother through her father and mother, then her brother through her father only, then their sons, then her paternal uncles, then their sons, then the ruler. See: al-Mughni, 9/355 

If the woman does not have any Muslim guardian from this list, the Muslim judge (qaadi) should do the marriage contract for her. If there is no Muslim judge, then a man of status among the Muslims, such as the Imam of the Islamic Centre, should do the marriage contract for her. 

We ask Allah, may He be exalted, to help and guide you. 

And Allah knows best.

He stipulated that she should not continue studying in a mixed environment and that she should not go out to work; should she accept him as a husband?

A few days ago I received a marriage proposal from a religiously committed young man. He stipulated that I should not complete my studies and that I should not work outside the house, and I do not know what to do. Please note that I live in Morocco and there are no schools that are not mixed. Please advise me, may Allah reward you with good.

Praise be to Allaah.

If this young man is pleasing in terms of religious commitment and character, as seems to be the case from the conditions he stipulated, and you (your family) know him from before and he is compatible and suitable, then what we think is that you should agree to marry this person who has proposed to you. The conditions that he has stipulated indicate – in sha Allah – that he is indeed religiously committed and has a sense of protective jealousy. Such a suitor should not be rejected because he stipulated these conditions. It is no secret that there are negative factors involved in studying in a mixed environment and also in a woman’s going outside of her house, which exposes her to the misbehaviour of foolish people in many countries and on many occasions. It seems to us that the brother who has proposed to you does not want to prevent you from acquiring knowledge or working, but he does not want that to be accompanied by haraam mixing or exposure to any mistreatment. Rather he wants that to be in your own private realm and secure refuge, which is the marital home. This is something good and we can only advise you to accept it, especially since you will be able to acquire beneficial knowledge by means of open education programs or distance study, or by following Islamic education programs on trustworthy TV channels and websites, in addition to gaining this religiously committed husband and keeping away from the negative effects of mixing. 

We have previously discussed the issue of mixing in the workplace and at school in the answers to questions no. 1200 and 103044. 

With regard to choosing a husband, we have previously discussed this matter in several answers which we hope you will look at. See the answers to questions no. 5202, 6942, 69964, 8412, 105728.

And Allah knows best.

Is it better for her to get married or to dedicate her life to her elderly parents?

Which is better for 21-year-old muslimah, get married or didecate her life for her parents who are old already, and her two-brothers who are still young and need her financial support for their education?.

Praise be to Allaah.

There is no doubt that honouring one’s parents is one of the greatest ways of doing good and one of the widest gates of Paradise. 

‘Abdullah ibn Mas‘ood (may Allah be pleased with him) said: I asked the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him): O Messenger of Allah, which deed is best? He said: “Prayer offered on time.” I said: Then what? He said: “Honouring one’s parents.” I said: Then what? He said: “Jihad for the sake of Allaah.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2782; Muslim, 85. 

See the answer to question no. 145627 

Just as honouring one’s parents is one of the widest gates of Paradise and earns the pleasure of Allah, may He be exalted, there is no doubt that keeping oneself chaste is also one of the most important matters that a person should be concerned with, especially at a young age when temptations are numerous and the individual fears for himself. 

What appears to be the case, and is indicated by a great deal of experience, is that there is no conflict between the two matters that are mentioned here in the question. Indeed it is entirely possible to combine the two. 

Taking care of parents with regard to matters where they need help, honouring them and upholding ties with them does not require you to dedicate your entire life to that purpose or that to let the opportunity of marriage pass you by when you are young. All you have to do is look at the nature of what your parents need from you. If they need you to serve them and they cannot do things for themselves and your younger brothers cannot do that, all that is required of you is to choose a husband who will let you do that. So instead of accepting a husband who will take you away from your city, choose a husband from the same city where you live. The closer his house is to your parents, the better it will be, so that it will be easy for you to go to them whenever they need that and take care of their affairs. Choose a husband who is kind and easy-going and will help you in that and not prevent you from doing it. At the same time you can organise their affairs in such a way that in many cases it will not be necessary for you to visit them every day, even if they are old. 

Whatever the case, these are details that – it seems to us – can be arranged easily, in sha Allah. 

If they need financial help for themselves or for your brothers, this is only as much as you are able to do. If you are working, you can give your family some of your salary or wages and you can stipulate to your husband that he should not prevent you from working or prevent you from helping your family. 

If it so happens that after marriage you are less able to help them, then perhaps Allah will open another door to provision and goodness for them that will make up for that. 

If they are not able to educate your younger brothers, even with help from people other than you, then what appears to be the case is that it is better for you to get married and keep yourself chaste, and to give that precedence over helping your brothers with their education. 

Remember that Allah, may He be exalted, will help a person so long as he is helping his brother, so how about if you are keen to help your parents and your brothers. We believe that Allah is not going to deprive you of His help and guidance, and we think that He will grant you a way out from every worry and hardship. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And whosoever fears Allaah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty).

3. And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allaah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allaah will accomplish his purpose. Indeed Allaah has set a measure for all things”

[al-Talaaq 65:2-3]. 

And Allah knows best.

She wants to marry a man who had cancer and her parents refuse

I am interested in marrying a man who has a history of childhood cancer. He has been cancer-free for 7 years (since when he was first diagnosed), is perfectly healthy now, not on any medications and lives a normal life. The doctors have given him the clear and have declared him completely cured. However, my parents are completely against this marriage because they believe he can have a relapse. He is the most wonderful and Godfearing human being I know and I strongly believe that life, death and health is in Allahs hands and no body can predict the future for even healthy people. Please kindly advise how I can convince my parents to agree to this marriage.

Praise be to Allaah.

There is nothing wrong with marrying someone who had cancer then recovered; in fact there is nothing wrong with marrying a person who has cancer, so long as the woman agrees to that. 

There are many people whom Allah tests with sickness in childhood, then He heals them and blesses them, so a proposal should not be rejected because of that, so long as the person is a righteous Muslim. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one whose religious commitment and attitude pleases you, then marry [your female relative who is under your care] to him, for if you do not do that, there will be tribulation on earth and much corruption.” Narrated by at-Tirmidhi (1084) from the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh at-Tirmidhi. 

If the suitor is acceptable in terms of religious commitment and character, and Allah has healed him of this sickness, and his condition is stable according to the testimony of the doctors, then he should not be rejected. 

Based on that, try to convince your parents of it. Then if they insist on their attitude, be patient, and accept it and try to find excuses for them, because they are only seeking your happiness and well-being. 

We ask Allah to guide you and help you. 

And Allah knows best.

Should he obey his parents and marry someone who is not religiously committed?

My parents got me two matches for marriage where as i am nervous whether they are suitable for me or not. I am religious person offering salah five times and follow sunnah. My choice was Aalim girl but my family semi religious they dont want this girl to be our family member becoz they feel she will dominate us. What are the questions should i ask to girl when i meet her along with family members? I dont have property and i am against to dowry. Kindly help in this regards. In my past i made lot of sins where as i feel guilty and repent should i disclose with her and be true with her?
My second question is everyday i feel so scared about Allah punishment i am unable to live happily. Sometimes i feel grave and cry like anything. I am feeling stressed however i am asking forgiveness from allah. But due to this i am unable to be happy.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: 

The Prophet’s advice to anyone who wants to get married is to choose a woman who is religiously committed, who will help him with regard to his affairs in this world and in the Hereafter. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said, encouraging marriage to one who is religiously committed: “Women may be married for four things: their wealth, their lineage, their beauty and their religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5090; Muslim, 1466.  

We have previously discussed the description of the religiously committed woman whom the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) encouraged a man to marry, in the answer to question no. 96584 

Secondly: 

We do not think there is any conflict between what you want and what your parents want from you. Your parents have stipulated a condition that is well founded in many cases and in many environments. What we think is that you should respond to their wishes and look for a suitable wife outside the family circle, but at the same time you should look for one who is also religiously committed, outside the family circle. Thus you will be able to fulfil both interests and combine the two wishes. This will make it easier for you and will spare you from confronting the family with something they do not want, and you can convince your parents that it is right and to accept your choice. This will be easy, in sha Allah, when you give them what they asked of you. 

Thirdly: 

If it is possible for you to sit with the fiancée or the one to whom you want to propose marriage, in the presence of her mahram and without being alone with her, and adhering to proper hijab, then in that case there is nothing wrong with talking together to the extent that is necessary and in such a way that does not cause fitnah or provocation of desire. You can tell her what you expect of her in the future, and she could tell you what she expects of you. 

But we do not think that you should go to extremes with regard to these questions, or to base your judgement on this meeting; rather what you should do is ask about the girl, not ask her. Before you enter the house you have to find out about the house and its people, and the girl and her situation. And there is nothing wrong with you seeking the help of your sisters and female relatives in this matter. Once you find the qualities you are looking for, then go ahead with the marriage. 

With regard to the questions that you may ask, they will not necessarily yield the answers you are looking for. 

With regard to your financial and social situation, what you have to do is tell the truth about that, because it will have an impact on many things in your married life later on and the rights that your wife has over you. It is not acceptable to enter a house and look at its womenfolk, then when they accept you, you say: I cannot afford any mahr (dowry)! 

Fourthly: 

It is not permissible for you to disclose your previous sins to the one whom you want to marry. So long as Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, has concealed you (your sins), then you have to cover yourself. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Avoid this filth that Allah has forbidden. Whoever does any such thing, then let him conceal it with the concealment of Allah.”

Narrated by al-Bayhaqi; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in as-Silsilah as-Saheehah, no. 663 

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) say: “All of my ummah will be fine except those who commit sin openly, and it is part of committing sin openly for a man to do something at night, then in the morning when his Lord has concealed him he says: O So and so, I did such and such last night, when his Lord had concealed him all night, but in the morning he discloses that which Allaah had concealed for him.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5721; Muslim, 2990. 

Fifthly: 

The believer is enjoined to fear Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, in secret and openly. This fear that is required in Islam is the fear that motivates one to do more good actions and righteous deeds, and to keep away from disobedience to Him. But if this fear leads to despair and hopelessness and failing to do good deeds, then it is a kind of devilish whisper (waswaas) by means of which the Shaytaan seeks to divert the hearts of the righteous from the straight path, then he makes them grieve because of that. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning): “Secret counsels (conspiracies) are only from Shaitan (Satan), in order that he may cause grief to the believers. But he cannot harm them in the least, except as Allah permits, and in Allah let the believers put their trust” [al-Mujaadilah 58:10]. 

So seek the help of Allah and put your trust in Him; spite the Shaytaan by obeying Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, and humiliate him by strengthening your connection to your Lord. Seek the help of Allah and do not feel helpless. 

And Allah knows best.

Its the responsibility of every Moslem in learning quran and tajweed and we also have to teach our kids Quran and not only the Quran teaching we should let then start to see the basic of Islam and why it was reviled you bet it was railed and verity teaching of holy Quran and with tajweed quran we read Quran we can understand better all the responses that are asked if we study koran from a qualified Quran tutor he will let you know verity core of Islam and why koran was reviled for it we should gain the ability of the Holy Writ with there translation and the context of when those verses were reviled and why and that is only potential when we carry on with not simply learning quran for beginners but gaining the ability of Quran tafseer and one query that we all is needed to ask our self that why we all are here in the world to do good acts or to do bad humen activity to promote correct or to promote incorrect and will we be answerable to any one after this life of not then the interrogation remains the identical that the reasons why we are here in the world but if yes then whom we have to reply is there any Lord All these reply exist when we go deep in to the Quran education do Quran reading and the so let us unite hands to full fill our task. We all must do quran memorization and listen to quran online when ever we have time to stay in touch

 

Monday 16 January 2012

Guardianship over a woman’s marriage and wealth

We know that if a woman wants to get married, she has to have a wali (guardian) who will do the marriage contract on her behalf. But how does she decide who will be her wali? Does the wali have to take care of all the woman’s dealings? Please advise us, may Allaah reward you with good.

Praise be to Allaah. 

The ways in which a man may be appointed as a woman's wali for marriage are five: being her owner (if she is a slave); being related to her; being her patron (as when one tribe is patron of another, etc.); being a leader (of the community, etc.); and guardianship (wisaayah).  The wali is one of the conditions of the validity of a marriage. It is not permissible for a woman to be a wali in marriage either for herself or for someone else for any reason; she cannot act as a wali for herself, on behalf of another or as the deputy of another. If she does that, the marriage contract is invalid. 

A woman who is adult, of sound mind and sensible has the right to manage her own money and to dispose of it however she wishes, whether that is in return for something or not, such as buying and selling, renting, lending, giving in charity or giving gifts, giving all or part of the money. No one has the right to stop her doing that, and she does not need anyone’s permission, whether she is virgin who has a father, or does nit have a father, or is married with a husband. 

It is permissible for a mother to dispose of her children’s wealth, food or otherwise, as is also permissible for the father. It is also permissible for a woman to dispose of and eat from her parents’ wealth with regard to things that are permissible for her. 

The mother has the right to guardianship over the wealth of her children who are still young or who are insane, because she is more compassionate towards her child than anyone else. 

A woman does not have the right to dispose of her husband’s wealth or give any of it in charity without his permission, whether that permission is explicit or is implied by custom and habit. 

It is permissible for a woman to have the position of guardianship (wasiyah) over someone else’s money and she may be in control of money over which she has been appointed guardian, so long as she meets the conditions of guardianship, whether she is the mother of the children or is not related to them. 

It is permissible for a woman to be in charge of a waqf; she has the right to be the guardian in charge of a waqf and to decide how it should be disposed of. This is according to scholarly consensus. 

A new Muslimah has married a Muslim man without her family’s knowledge

I am a Chinese girl married to a Lebanese Muslim man. The main reason for this is that I have become Muslim… we got married in the Islamic manner, but this marriage was done without the knowledge of our families, because of some difficult circumstances.
Do you think that this is haraam? I mean, is it against the Qur’aan?.

Praise be to Allaah.  

The evidence from the Qur’aan and Sunnah indicates that a woman should not get married without a wali (guardian) to look after her and protect her interests, lest she be deceived by the devils among men. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Wed them with the permission of their own folk (guardians, Awliyaa’ or masters)”

[al-Nisa’ 4:25] 

It was narrated from Abu Moosa al-Ash’ari that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no (valid) marriage without a wali (guardian).” Narrated by the five and classed as saheeh by Ibn al-Madeeni. 

Al-Tirmidhi said: This is the correct view concerning this issue, based on the hadeeth of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), “There is no marriage without a wali (guardian),” according to the scholars among the companions of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), such as ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab, ‘Ali ibn Abi Taalib, ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Abbaas, Abu Hurayrah and others. 

If one of your close male relatives is a Muslim, such as your father, brother, uncle or cousin, then he is your wali with regard to marriage, and your marriage is not valid without his permission and consent. He should do the marriage contract for you himself or appoint someone to do it on his behalf. 

If all your close male relatives are non-Muslims, then a kaafir cannot be the wali (guardian) of a Muslim. 

Ibn Qudaamah said: With regard to a kaafir, he cannot be the wali of a Muslim in any situation, according to scholarly consensus. 

Ibn al-Mundhir said: Those from whom we acquired knowledge are unanimously agreed on that. 

Imam Ahmad said: We have heard that ‘Ali allowed a marriage done by a brother, but he rejected a marriage done by a father who was a Christian. Al-Mughni, 7/356. 

And a Muslim cannot be a guardian for the marriage of his kaafir children’s marriage. Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah was asked about a man who had become Muslim; could he still be a wali for his children who were people of the Book? 

He replied: He cannot be their guardian with regard to marriage, or with regard to inheritance. A Muslim cannot do the marriage contract for a kaafir woman, whether she is his daughter or anyone else. And a kaafir cannot inherit from a Muslim or a Muslim from a kaafir. This is the view of the four imams and their companions among the earlier and later generations. Allaah has severed the ties of guardianship between believers and disbelievers in His Book, and has decreed that they should have nothing to do with one another, and that the ties of wilaayah (guardianship) exist among the believers. (32/35) But a Muslim woman should tell her family about that and seek their approval, so that this will help to open their hearts to Islam. 

The question here is: what should a Muslim woman who does not have a Muslim wali do? 

The answer is: 

A Muslim who is in a position of authority or status should do the marriage contract for her, such as the head of an Islamic centre, the imam of a mosque, or a scholar. If she cannot find anyone like this, then she should appoint a Muslim man of good character to do the marriage contract for her. 

Shaykh al-Islam said: In the case of a woman who does not have a wali among her relatives, if there is in her locality a representative of the ruler or the chief of the village, or a leader who is obeyed, then he can do the marriage contract for her with her permission. (32/35). 

Ibn Qudaamah said: 

If a woman does not have a wali or a ruler, then there is a report narrated from Ahmad which indicates that a man of good character may do the marriage contract for her with her permission. (7/352). 

Al-Juwayni said: If she does not have a wali present, and there is no (Muslim) ruler, then we know definitively that closing the door of marriage is impossible in sharee’ah, and whoever has any doubt about that does not have a proper understanding of sharee’ah. To suggest that the door of marriage may be closed is as bad as suggesting that people may be prevented from earning a living. Al-Ghayaathi 388. Then he stated that the ones who should do that (do marriage contracts for women who have no wali) are the scholars. 

Conclusion: 

If the marriage contract was done in this manner, and the imam of an Islamic Centre in your country or a Muslim man of good character did the marriage, then your marriage is valid. But if you did the marriage yourself (with no wali) then you have to go with your husband to the nearest Islamic centre and repeat the nikaah (marriage contract), and let the head of the centre, for example, be your wali in marriage. 

With regard to your husband, he does not have to tell his family, because there is no stipulation that the husband should have a wali. 

And Allaah knows best.

The fact that the woman is older the man should not prevent them from getting married

I am 21 year old muslim. I do want to get married soon. I especially want to get Married to someone who is older than me(e.g.somebody about 7 years older). Is There anything 'wrong' in wanting to do this? I know that the prophet's 1st wife was About 15 years older than him. However, people might think my preference is a little odd. After all, it does not happen much nowadays

Praise be to Allaah.

Age does not matter, and it does not matter if the woman is older or if the husband is older. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married Khadeejah when she was forty and he was twenty-five. What does matter is that the man should look for a righteous woman who is religiously-committed, even if she is older than him, if she is still young enough to bear children. The point is that age should not be a problem and such a marriage is not wrong if the man is righteous and the woman is righteous. May Allaah guide us all to the best way. 

Summarized from the fatwa of Shaykh Ibn Baaz in Fataawa Islamiyyah, part 3, p. 107

It is not essential for one to declare one’s Islam before witnesses in order for it to be valid

I am a young man who is married to a Muslim woman but her family is not Muslim. She became Muslim and learned some soorahs and how to pray via the internet. After we got married I asked her: at whose hand did you become Muslim? She said: I became Muslim by myself. I said to her: You have to utter the Shahaadahatayn, so she uttered them before me. Is that correct?
 Please note that we got married in the mosque before the Shaykh and a number of witnesses, and she got a certificate proving that she is Muslim.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: 

In order for a person to become Muslim, it is not essential for him to declare his Islam before anyone. Islam is a matter that is between a person and his Lord, may He be blessed and exalted. If he asks people to bear witness to his Islam so that it may be documented among his personal documents, there is nothing wrong with that, but it should be done without making that a condition of his Islam being valid. 

This has been explained in more than one answer. Please see the answers to questions no. 13698, 11936, 655, 6542 and 6703 

Secondly: 

No marriage contract is valid without a wali for the wife, but no kaafir can act as a wali for a Muslim woman. If she has no Muslim wali then the qaadi or the imam of the mosque or the local mufti may act as her wali. 

In the answer to questions no. 7714 and 7989 you will find more details on the ruling on women in kaafir countries who do not have Muslim walis. 

We ask Allaah to bless you both and to join you together in goodness.

Why is it not permissible for a Muslim woman to marry a kaafir man

It is permissible for Muslim men to marry women who are not Muslim, so why are Muslim women not permitted to marry men who follow a religion other than Islam?

Praise be to Allaah.

It is permissible for a Muslim man to marry a woman from among the People of the Book, a Jewish or Christian woman, but not a woman from any other kaafir religion, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Made lawful to you this day are At-Tayyibaat [all kinds of Halaal (lawful) foods, which Allaah has made lawful (meat of slaughtered eatable animals, milk products, fats, vegetables and fruits)]. The food (slaughtered cattle, eatable animals) of the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful to you and yours is lawful to them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time when you have given their due Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage)…”

[al-Maa’idah 5:5] 

This refers to chaste women from among the People of the Book, not immoral women. It is not permissible for a Muslim woman to marry a mushrik who is not a Muslim, no matter what his religion is. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al-Mushrikoon till they believe (in Allaah Alone) and verily, a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik (idolater), even though he pleases you. Those (Al-Mushrikoon) invite you to the Fire…”

[al-Baqarah 2:221] 

And because Islam should prevail and not be prevailed over, as is stated in the religion of Islam. 

Shaykh ‘Abd al-Kareem al-Khudayr 

It is known that the man is the stronger party and the one who dominates the lives of the family, his wife and children. So it is not wise for a Muslim woman to marry a kaafir man who will dominate her life and the life of her children, the consequences of which will be very serious, as there is the possibility that he may divert her from her religion and raise the children in his own religion. 

And Allaah knows best.

Thursday 12 January 2012

The meaning of “Bad statements are for bad people (or bad women for bad men) and bad people for bad statements (or bad men for bad women)”; and is it possible to find a wife who is righteous both outwardly and inwardly?

I wrote this message after I read an essay. In its end a situation was mentioned: Al-laalkaa’e narrated that when a man mentioned A’yesha, may Allah be pleased with her, in a bad manner in Al-hasan ben zaid’s presence, he ordered to kill this man by sword. The Alwiyyoun said: he is one of our group. So Al-hasan said: “we seek refuge with Allah from this, this man slandered the prophet, peace be upon him. Allah Almighty says (interpretation of the meaning): “Bad statements are for bad people (or bad women for bad men) and bad people for bad statements (or bad men for bad women). Good statements are for good people (or good women for good men) and good people for good statements (or good men for good women) such are innocent of that which people say: For them is pardon and a bountiful provision”
  So if A’yesha may Allah be pleased with her is a bad woman then the prophet, peace be upon him is also bad. Thus, this man is infidel; kill him by sword, so they killed him.  
  What is the explanation of this verse “Bad statements are for bad people (or bad women for bad men) and bad people for bad statements (or bad men for bad women). Good statements are for good people (or good women for good men) and good people for good statements (or good men for good women) such are innocent of that which people say: For them is pardon and a bountiful provision”
  I had a personal experiment myself; I married a girl who I though is religious, my aim was to establish a righteous Muslim home in which I try my best to follow the approach of our honourable prophet, peace be upon him, and his companions. In brief, I did not ask about her very well before marriage, I found her to be very vile. May Allah forgive her and me. Most of her talk was lies and tricks. I did not feel she has any passion for Islam or for righteousness. I divorced her after I knew she is not going to change herself, we have one child.
I love Islam too much and I love anyone I feel he is religious, and I have strong hatred to those who are immoral especially if they insist on sinning or announce their sins.
  My marriage and divorce experiment was the bitterest I had in my life. I now fear I repeat the bitter experience again. I wish to find who will help me be more religious. How can I be assured while people are content to show opposite of who they really are? Especially when it comes to such matters as marriage.
  Before I married that woman I prayed istikhara many times and consulted Allah, I was sometimes crying and asking Allah to guide me, especially when I see bad signs from her side or from her family that indicates they are not religious people.
  I am not trying to say it is not my fault, or to show myself as the better one in this relationship. By I love Islam, by Allah, and am very jealous for Islam, and I hate lying strongly. Briefly, I do not think it is in my hands to get the right one even if I ask very well and collect information about the girl or try to test her personality before marriage. Unless if Allah has mercy on me and blesses me with giving me a righteous wife.  
Marriage nowadays became very difficult. I, by Allah, think it is of the most difficult matters, and the most difficult part of it is finding a moral and religious wife. I think it is impossible unless Allah permits. When I read or hear the mentioned verse, I feel very sad; does it mean that I chose my previous wife because I deserve this? I know it is a test from Allah, but I want to have a clear explanation of the verse and, if possible, the rest of my queries.

Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly: 
The mufassireen differed concerning the meaning of the verse (interpretation of the meaning):  
“Bad statements are for bad people (or bad women for bad men) and bad people for bad statements (or bad men for bad women)”
[al-Noor 24:26] 
Some of them said that it refers to bad and good words, so the meaning of the verse is: Evil words are for evil men, and evil people are for evil words, and good words are for good people, and good people are for good words. 
Others said that it refers to evil and good actions. So the meaning of the verse is: Evil actions are for evil men, and evil people are for evil actions, and good actions are for good people, and good people are for good actions. 
The third opinion concerning this verse is that evil and good refer to people with regard to marriage. So the meaning of the verse is: evil women are for evil men, and evil men are for evil women, and good women are for good men, and good men are for good women. 
There is no reason why the verse cannot be understood in all these senses, although the most obvious meaning is the first one mentioned, and this is the opinion of the majority of mufassireen. The second view comes next. 
Shaykh ‘Abd al-Rahmaan al-Sa’di (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:  
“Bad statements are for bad people (or bad women for bad men) and bad people for bad statements (or bad men for bad women)” means all evil men, women, words and actions that are fit for evil and in accordance with it or accompanied by it and in harmony with it, and all good men, women, words and actions that are fit for good and in accordance with it or accompanied by it and in harmony with it. This explanation is general in meaning and nothing is excluded from that. One of the greatest application of this is that with regard to the Prophets – especially the Messengers of strong will, and especially their leader, Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), who is the best among all the good of creation – only the best of women are suitable for them. So the one who slanders ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) in this manner is slandering the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), which was the aim of the slander (al-ifk) fabricated by the hypocrites. The mere fact that she was the wife of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) confirms that she was nothing but good and pure and innocent of these reprehensible matters. 
So how about when she is the siddeeqah of women, the best, most knowledgeable and purest of them, the beloved of the Messenger of the Lord of the Worlds? Revelation did not come down to him when he was under the same cover as any of his wives except her. Then the verse states clearly, so that there will be no opportunity for any propagator of falsehood to say anything and no room for any doubt whatsoever:  
“such (good people) are innocent of (every) bad statement which they say”
[al-Noor 24:26] 
The reference is primarily to ‘Aa’ishah, and then to the believing chaste women. 
“for them is forgiveness” [al-Noor 24:26]
meaning, forgiveness for all of their sins. 
“and Rizqun Kareem (generous provision, i.e. Paradise)” i.e., in Paradise, coming from the Generous Lord. 
Tafseer al-Sa’di (p. 563). 
Secondly: 
What you have quoted about the killing of a man who slandered ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) is true. This is what the Muslim rulers should do, which is to execute everyone who slanders ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her), because impugning the honour of ‘Aa’ishah is disbelief in the Qur’aan, and impugning the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). Either of these actions implies kufr which puts a person beyond the pale of Islam, and the one who does it deserves to be executed for apostasy. 
In al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah (22/185) it says: 
The fuqaha’ are unanimously agreed that the one who slanders ‘Aa'ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) has disbelieved the clear, unambiguous statement of the Qur’aan that was revealed concerning her, and hence he is a kaafir. Allaah says – in the hadeeth of the slander (al-ifk), after Allaah declared that she was innocent – “Allaah forbids you from it and warns you not to repeat the like of it forever, if you are believers” [al-Noor 24:18]. So the one who goes back to that is not a believer. 
Are all the other wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) regarded as being like her? 
The Hanafis and the Hanbalis, according to the correct opinion, which was favoured by Ibn Taymiyah, say that they are all like her. They quoted as evidence the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 
“Bad statements are for bad people (or bad women for bad men) and bad people for bad statements (or bad men for bad women). Good statements are for good people (or good women for good men) and good people for good statements (or good men for good women): such (good people) are innocent of (every) bad statement which they say; for them is forgiveness, and Rizqun Kareem (generous provision, i.e. Paradise)”
[ al-Noor 24:26] 
Slandering them implies slander of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and impugning his honour, which is forbidden. 
The other view, which is that of the Shaafa’is and the other view of the Hanbalis, is that they – apart from ‘Aa’ishah – are like the rest of the Sahaabah; the one who reviles them is to be flogged, because he is a slanderer. End quote. 
Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 
Slandering ‘Aa’ishah with regard to that of which Allaah has declared her innocent is kufr, because it is disbelieving the Qur’aan. With regard to slandering other wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) there are two scholarly opinions, the sounder of which is that it is kufr, because it is a slander against the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), because “Bad statements are for bad people (or bad women for bad men).”  
Majmoo’ Fataawa al-Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (5/p.86) 
See also the answer to question no. 954
Thirdly:
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Women may be married for four things: their wealth, their lineage, their beauty and their religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5090; Muslim, 1466. 
It is not impossible for a man to find a righteous wife who will help him to obey Allaah, serve him, raise his children, and look after his wealth and house. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) advised men to marry the woman who is religiously committed. If it were not possible or within a man’s capability to find that religiously committed woman, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would not have advised him to marry her. He is the one who said in the same hadeeth that some men marry women for their beauty, and some marry them for their lineage or their wealth. Men choose women according to their own desires and traditions and customs, but his advice to all men is to look for the woman who is religiously committed and marry them, because in marrying such a woman there is a great deal of good which the man will see in himself, his house and his children. 
You should not give up hope of finding a woman who is religiously committed and of good character. The Muslim ummah is still doing well and there are still Muslim families which are raising women who are of good character and committed to Islam, and are brought up in this manner. 
The failure of one experience of marriage does not mean that the same will happen to all subsequent marriages. What happened to you may have been a punishment to you because of your shortcomings in asking and finding out about the woman whom you married. 
People know one another and mix with one another, so the state of a family and its members will not be hidden from their relatives and neighbours. The members of the family mix with people in the mosque and school and when visiting people, so a righteous woman will be known and distinguished from the opposite, and the religiously committed man will be known and distinguished from his opposite, by their adhering to regular prayer, and adherence to outward shar’i laws, and their attitude in dealing with others. What one of them hides inwardly is something that no one can know, and the one who is deceived by outward righteousness when a person is inwardly corrupt is not to be blamed, because our Lord does not require us to look at what is hidden inside people. 
Moreover, what is applicable to the women among whom you are looking for a life partner is also applicable to you. How do people know who you really are, or what you are like inwardly? Guardians have been advised to give their female relatives in marriage to men who are religiously committed and of good character, based on what they can see, as well as asking and finding out from the relatives of the suitor. Whatever wrong impressions and deceit may happen on the part of the woman may also happen – and more so – on the part of the man. So you should not be anxious or worry because of your first marriage. All you have to do now is look carefully, and ask good people about good families who raise their daughters to obey Allaah and with good morals and attitudes. Then you can focus your questions about the one whom you want to marry from those families, by asking her friends and classmates about her commitment and righteousness, and about her attitude and interactions with others. Thus you will have followed the advice of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and we hope that you will not be disappointed by her and that they will not be disappointed by you. 
We ask Allaah to help you to make a good choice and to bless you with a righteous wife who will keep you chaste and you will keep her chaste, and you will treat her well and she will treat you well, and to bless you with good and righteous  children. 
For more information on the qualities to be sought in the wife, please see the answers to questions no. 26744 and 10376. 
And Allaah is the Source of strength.