I need help.I married a Muslim Woman who had 4 children.A dedicated muslim widow. In spite of my parents approval I married her.And now we are living happily dedicated in five times prayers,reading Quran etc,along with the children.The reason for my marrage was sincere and genuine, no foul play of intention.To give a helping hand to a woman burdened with children and her sustainence.
The reason for refusal of my parents was as to why I should carry somebody elses burden or trash and thats not fair for me to face a punishment as such. And was also concern that the difficuilty and shame they will face in front of their relations.
I had humbly and kindly explained to them this:
1. I do have the courage to take a woman of that nature and face the consequences with the help of Allah.And Allah will not put a burden that I cannot carry.
2. And why I should not face a punishment for a good cause in the name of Allah,where as I am giving life to a women who had emmencely fallen down mentally,physically and financially.
3. Relations talk about pride and wealth only,do not pray, think Allah.and also do not care us, And I totally rely on Allah and not on my relations kith & kin. But in spite of all explaination they refuse me and my wife.I married in spite of all this and I am happy now. I repent every day to Allah for being very hash & hard to my parents.
Dear brother,couple of days before in TV in a particular Islamic session A brother said that Janna or heaven is in the feet of a persons mother,if I heard it correctly,Now I feel too guilty about myself. So please let me know what shall I do now?.
Praise be to Allaah.
What you have done, marrying a woman who has children and was suffering from numerous problems is an action for which you deserve to be praised and rewarded, especially since she is religiously-committed as seems to be the case from your question.
Islam encourages the one who wants to get married to look for a woman who is religiously-committed, for she is the best kind of wife he can have. She will keep herself and her husband chaste, and raise his children in the manner that Allaah likes. She will obey her husband and not disobey him. Marriage to a virgin is encouraged in sharee’ah and is better than marrying a previously-married woman, but the previously-married woman may have characteristics that make her better than a virgin, such as if marriage to her serves a purpose that cannot be met by marrying a virgin, or if her religious commitment and attitude is better than that of a virgin.
Al-Bukhaari (4052) and Muslim (715) narrated that Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to me: “Have you got married, O Jaabir?” I said, “Yes.” He said, “To a virgin or to a previously-married woman?” I said, “To a previously-married woman, O Messenger of Allaah.” He said, “Why not a young girl with whom you could play and she could play with you?” I said, “My father was killed on the day of Uhud, and he left behind nine daughters. I did not like to bring to them someone like them, and I wanted to bring a woman who could look after them and guide them.” He said, “May Allaah bless you,” or he said good words to me. According to one report he said, “You did the right thing.” And according to a version narrated by Muslim, “Then that is better. For women may be married for their religious commitment, their wealth or their beauty. Choose the one who is religiously committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).”
Al-Shawkaani said in Nayl al-Awtaar (6/126):
This indicates that it is mustahabb to marry virgins, except for one who has a reason to marry a previously-married woman, as happened in the case of Jaabir. End quote.
“Then that is better” means, what you did by marrying a previously-married woman is better or is good. End quote.
So you have done well by marrying this woman, and what people say should not matter to you after that. You have done what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did, for most of his wives had been previously married.
It is not essential for your parents to agree with your marriage, especially if their objections are for the reasons you mentioned. We have previously quoted in the answer to question no. 21052 the fatwa of Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Humayyid concerning this matter, so please read it as it is important.
You have to repent and seek Allaah’s forgiveness for being harsh towards your parents. You have to be gentle with them and try to please them. You can argue with them in the way that is better so as to convince them, and in this way you can combine two things: marrying whom you want and pleasing your parents, which is important.
With regard to the hadeeth, “Paradise is at the feet of mothers,” this wording is not saheeh.
It was narrated from Ibn ‘Abbaas and from Anas.
The hadeeth of Ibn ‘Abbaas was narrated by Ibn ‘Adiyy in al-Kaamil (6/347). He said: this is a munkar hadeeth [a category of weak hadeeth].
The hadeeth of Anas was narrated by al-Khateeb al-Baghdaadi, and it is da’eef (weak).
Concerning this subject there is also the report narrated by al-Khateeb in his Jaami’ and by al-Qadaa’i in his Musnad, from Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) and attributed to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “Paradise is at the feet of mothers.” Its isnaad includes Mansoor ibn al-Muhaajir and Abu’l-Nadr al-Abaar, both of whom are unknown.
Al-Khateeb also mentioned it narrated from Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him), and classed it as da’eef.
Kashf al-Khafa’, 1/401.
Shaykh al-Albaani said of the hadeeth of Ibn ‘Abbaas that it is mawdoo’ (fabricated). And he said:
We can do without it and refer instead to the hadeeth of Mu’aawiyah ibn Jaahimah, who said that he came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, “O Messenger of Allaah, I want to go out for jihad and I have come to consult you.” He said, “Do you have a mother?” He said, “Yes.” He said, “Then stay with her, for Paradise is at her feet.”
Narrated by al-Nasaa’i, 2/54, and by others such as al-Tabaraani (1/225/2), and its isnaad is hasan in sha Allah. Al-Haakim classed it as saheeh (4/151) and al-Dhahabi agreed with him, as did al-Mundhiri, 3/214.
Al-Silsilah al-Da’eefah, 593.
And Allaah knows best.